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Horror, the beginning of the love.
My hand, is touching the teeth.
The fingers are curling into the flowers.
And I, I complicate every gaze,
The glance,
Into the eyes.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Lavender
Mon, 2022-08-29 19:06
Horror, the beginning of the love.
Hello, Jakub,
I've read this piece half a dozen times, and with each read it becomes deeper and more intense. I am very curious about the usage of "the"... "the love." Not love in general, or new love, but "the" love. This adds a lot of depth for me, especially since it is described with the feeling of horror. So I'ma gonna jump in with my interpretation, and what I see and feel here. The narrator is about to give flowers, ever so shyly and anxiously, to first love, or probably "the" love. The hand to the teeth, the other hand's fingers curling in to the flowers, and the glance in to the eyes... very nervous. I actually feel the narrator's heart beat a bit stronger, too!. If I am way off, I would love to know. The language is strong and arresting for such a brief piece.
Thank you!
Lavender