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On Halloween

Scarecrows and bowls,
pumpkins in a row,
scare away the dead,
wiping the air they left.

We are visiting haunted places,
watch out for undone laces!
In late October we stroll
through the neighbourhoods that roll
kids in costumes and trick or treat,
afraid of just a heap of meek.

I thought this was for fun,
just a game for the children to run.

But when I shifted in the darkest street
a heap of ghosts would be what I'd meet,
if I hadn't a jack-o'-the-lantern with me
a pale cloud of mist I'd be.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
One of the few rhyming poems that I write. I am not good with rhyming, and especially when that comes to a non-native speaker of the English language. But I had fun when I was experimenting with this. Happy Halloween to everyone.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I like your first attempt at rhyme, you did very well.
I think that maybe you should try it more often and you will see
how much you can improve. This is how I would do with this.
You don't have to use any of my suggestions and certainly should
look at what other people do, so that you have an idea of what you can do.
Keep- trying! ~ Geezer.
.
Scarecrows and bowls
pumpkins in long rows
scare away the dead
put them back to bed

We are visiting haunting places
watch out for undone laces
In late October we stroll
Through the neighborhoods we roll

I thought this just for fun
just a game for children to run
Kids in costumes and trick or treat
wanting apples and some sweets

But when I strolled the darkest street
a heap of ghosts is what I would meet
if I hadn't a jack-o-lantern with me
a pale cloud of mist I'd be.

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.

Thank you very much for your comment and for the time you spent editing/suggesting new rhymes to my poem! Appreciate it a lot!!!

author comment

It is my pleasure to help those who wish to improve their work. ~ Geezer.
.

Don't forget to enter the October Halloween Contest!
there is a $25 Gift Card from Amazon and 3 months Premium Profile!

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Tell each other what you think

.

all that a fan of rhyme lol. I did find your poem very whimsical though and enjoyed it, almost brought me back to my childhood and Halloween

Chrys

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