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grace of the goddess

Submitted by Blue-eyed Bolla on Sun, 2024-07-21 13:09

Out of the ashes was born my belief,
grown in the grave of the garden of grief.
Watered in winter of world-weary woe,
grace of the goddess had caused it to grow.

Grace of the goddess, who loved me for free,
soothed me, so sweetly, by the steely blue sea.
Wooed me and won me, renewed me, reformed,
slaughtered my sorrow, and faith in me formed.

Grace of the goddess caused beauty to bloom,
down in the brig of the dungeon’s grey gloom.
Lost like a lotus as boat braved the swell.
Thank God she found me, and saved me from hell!

Out of the darkness of dread and despair,
into the lighthouse of comfort and care.
Salvaged from straits and the world’s septic breath,
grace of the goddess divorced me from death.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
saved by grace
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
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Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sun, 2024-07-21 19:10

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Grace of the Goddess" effectively conveys a journey from despair to salvation through the metaphor of the goddess's grace. The use of vivid imagery, such as "grown in the grave of the garden of grief" and "lost like a lotus as boat braved the swell," creates a strong emotional impact. The repetition of the phrase "grace of the goddess" reinforces the central theme and adds a sense of rhythm to the poem.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the structure or meter of the poem to enhance its overall flow. While the consistent rhyme scheme contributes to a sense of cohesion, experimenting with different poetic devices could add depth and complexity to the piece. Additionally, exploring more nuanced descriptions or incorporating sensory details could further engage the reader and enrich the imagery presented.

Overall, "Grace of the Goddess" effectively captures a transformative experience through evocative language and symbolism. By refining the structure and exploring additional poetic techniques, the poem has the potential to resonate even more

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Mon, 2024-07-22 10:09

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The title is good, your language equally so.
The rhythm and pace was good, and didn't waver.
I liked the theme, even though I'm not much for the ocean or sea.

I'm thinking that your "goddess" is your muse and the source of your poetry?

Good stuff. no matter what. I felt that the piece had both a good beginning and end. ~ Geez.
.

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Blue-eyed Bolla

Tue, 2024-07-23 01:29

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Many thanks, Geezer. Yeah, she is my muse.

KBloor

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Lavender

Tue, 2024-07-23 13:20

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I can feel the immense gratitude and relief within this poem. Very inspiring. Wonderful alliteration throughout. I'm wondering about the word "divorced" in the final line. I understand the effect of separation - just thinking there may be a more positive association - maybe an action that is the complete opposite of death?
Thank you!
L

Blue-eyed Bolla

Wed, 2024-07-24 04:30

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Many thanks, L. As regards the last line: for me, divorce (having such an unhappy marriage) has such a positive association. I didn't realise that not everyone views divorce in such a way. Again, than you for your encouraging feedback.

KBloor

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Candlewitch

Wed, 2024-07-24 07:24

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This line seems clumsy to me:

Grace of the goddess, who loved me for free, ( I think it is the word free)

butt I found no fault with the rest of this lovely poem these are my favorite lines:

Out of the darkness of dread and despair,
into the lighthouse of comfort and care.
Salvaged from straits and the world’s septic breath,
grace of the goddess divorced me from death.

the last line is Killer!

*hugs, Cat

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