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Ghost Tales #3 The Unwanted Kiss
2714 Girard Ave. N. Ghost Tales #3
The Unwanted Kiss
Sour lips pressed to mine in the night
breath the like of which to peel paint !
Push hard against the weight on my chest
harder still, I'm ready to faint
How can a ghost exert such willing
dominance over the living ?
Sitting up sharply I catch my wind
He's taking what I'm not 'giving'
Severely stressed over this, I'm wrecked
not sleeping well numerous nights,
my brain will not shut down long enough...
I must stay near the brightest lights!
When I close my eyes, I see His face
wide red eyes staring into mine
Nerves on fire, I manage to get up
to the bathroom... here, but not fine!
More mad than frightened, splashing my face,
seeing my image in the glass
hot tears of rage welling up to flow...
incredulous! How can this pass?
It's three a.m. I'm up for the day.
Who could sleep after what I found?
Under the covers, I dress myself,
feeling His presence all around
Some one older, wiser than myself,
might know better what's to be done
Who can I turn to with this problem?
not my idea of good fun...
I am only fourteen for Christ's sake!
Style / type:
Structured: Western
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Last few words:
a true story
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Region & Country
Northwestern Wisconsin USA
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Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda and many more.
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2024-01-16 17:20
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem maintains a consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme throughout, which aids in the readability and flow of the piece. The use of first-person perspective effectively conveys a sense of personal experience and emotion, which can help to engage the reader.
However, the poem could benefit from more show, less tell. For instance, instead of directly stating "I am only fourteen for Christ's sake!!!", consider using imagery or metaphor to convey the speaker's youth and innocence. This could add depth to the poem and make it more engaging.
Additionally, the poem seems to rely heavily on exclamation points for emphasis. While this can be effective in moderation, overuse can make the tone feel forced or melodramatic. Consider using other methods to convey emphasis, such as word choice or sentence structure.
Finally, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure. Most lines follow a similar pattern, which can make the poem feel monotonous. Varying sentence structure can add interest and help to maintain the reader's attention.
Overall, the poem has a strong foundation and with some refinement, it could be even more engaging and impactful.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
RoseBlack
Tue, 2024-01-16 13:54
Wow
This is really intense and the last line is a shock, really jolts the reader. I suppose ghosts don't know age limits. Are the numbers in parenthesis the number of syllables? I am the worst at counting syllables and meter and rarely pay attention.
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Tue, 2024-01-16 14:42
Yes, sylilables
I am terrible with them, too. I left the count next to each line so Geezer can check to see if I am good. I will remove them after that.
This was a terrifying event in my life. It seems to me that I was often thrown into something over my head! Norma said it was too bad that I had "the Gift" she would rather it would skip a generation.
*hugs, Cat
*
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author commentRoseBlack
Tue, 2024-01-16 16:52
Oh wow
Would've terrified me as well. I could always feel their presence but more as I got older. I've had quite a few dreams that I'm sure I crossed into other realms and it was terrifying.
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Tue, 2024-01-16 18:05
I know...
I have had out of body experiences while dreaming. An old boyfriend asked me why I was outside his window a whole state away. then he saw me disappear!
*
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author commentUnca Fez
Tue, 2024-01-16 15:25
Very Scary
It brings to mind images from "The Entity"! And I am sure that Norma was of little help.
Thanx,
Steve
Candlewitch
Tue, 2024-01-16 15:31
You got it!
The most that Norma did was cop to the ghost, admitting he was haunting the house...but she also allowed me to have girlfriends over to stay the night! I did find some "Help" accidentally...
*
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author commentLeslie
Tue, 2024-01-16 15:37
Cat
I wasn't aware that this type of experince was
even allowable in a universal sense. but I believe
that it happened. It must have been more than
traumatic.I am sorry that you experinced this.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
Candlewitch
Tue, 2024-01-16 15:45
Dear Leslie,
There are many mysteries in this big old world. I am glad for you, that you have not met with a ghost. I hope you do not have that experience, ever.
thank you for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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author commentLeslie
Tue, 2024-01-16 15:54
Cat...
I've seen a few things, but certainly not ghosts. Again I'm sorry that you did!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
Candlewitch
Tue, 2024-01-16 18:12
Dear Leslie,
throughout my long life, I have seen many things and many ghosts. I kinda wish I had not.
*hugs, Cat
*
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author commentMermaidMaster
Wed, 2024-01-17 07:10
this poem is terrifying! the
this poem is terrifying! the way you described the encounter left a chill down my spine. I am so sorry that you experienced this fright. Thank you for sharing!
<3
Candlewitch
Wed, 2024-01-17 08:31
Thank you MM
for your kindness and understanding. I appreciate it very much.
*hugs, Cat
*
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And responds, please be courteous
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author commentClentin
Sat, 2024-01-20 10:25
Excellent poem. Loved your
Excellent poem. Loved your surprising last line!
Candlewitch
Sat, 2024-01-20 16:33
Dear Clentin,
Thank you for your lovely comment. And for telling me what you liked. This is a true story.
*hugs, Cat
*
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author commentWilliam Lynn
Sat, 2024-01-20 23:51
CONGRATULATIONS!!! - WILL
CONGRATULATIONS!!! - WILL
Candlewitch
Sun, 2024-01-21 15:48
Dear Will,
Thank you Will, I have decided that you are one of the "Good Guys!".
*hugs & love, Cat
*
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author commentUnca Fez
Sun, 2024-01-21 11:24
Finally, Something Good...
Finally, something good came out of that very nasty event! Congratulations!
Thanx,
Steve
Candlewitch
Sun, 2024-01-21 15:57
Thank you Steven,
I know you have heard the stories before, of that terrible house. When I look back in time, I feel I handled it well. I am not prone to panic until after a traumatic situation has past.
*love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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