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Frozen Solid

The towering figure stands,
The snowy land of nothing he commands,
A wasteland comprised of snow and ice,
Wanting to be free for any price.

Knowing that I was in the wrong,
Wishing once again to belong,
I sit here day after day,
Having to forever stay.

Isolation in this place of despair,
Not wanting to accept my punishment fair,
Calling out but never heard,
Wanting to rid myself of the punishment incurred.

In eternal gloom,
The wasteland I will loom,
Every soul by the wind they are stunned,
By the outside world I am shunned.

In my mind is the only place free,
I am alone, no one to hear my plea,
Finally I feel the numbness washing over me,
Frozen to the wasteland I will be,

When the sun appears,
The cycle begins again going on for years,
One day I will be free,
One day someone will hear my plea,

They will come and see what I had to endure
My future after the punishment is obscure,
All I can do is hope,
That with the eternal punishment I will cope.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

You have signed up into neopoet website( we unleash poetry here as rain storm) lol! You will be receiving critical commentaries from expert poets who could dig in into your poetry and give you feed back and comment about your poem. What they do is to identify aspects that could be improved. Wait shortly and you would hear from them as soon as they are back online.
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Work on your meter:
Meter is what gives a poem a unique rhythm. When you combine the stress patterns of specific poetic feet with specific lengths, you unlock the many possibilities of poetic meter.

And again, do you think your title worth the poem? Choose evocative language. Your poem title is an opportunity to lead with a gripping, memorable image.

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"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

Thank you so much for the feedback Jackweb, it is much appreciated!

author comment

Welcome to the site and thanks for sharing. My name is Tim and I’m usually here to provide you with positive support and maybe some edits or suggestions. I like the concept here. Title is pretty apt and the story has a beginning and end. The metaphor of “frozen or cold” and then being reborn by some new found warmth is very classic. Well done here.

Thanks for sharing,
Tim

Thanks Tim!

author comment

first of all, welcome to Neopoet, where every poet may find a home for their poetry! if you need some help or have any questions, please just ask and I will do my best to find answers for you. I see that you have been welcomed by my betters! we are a good group of people here.

I loved these lines they resonated with me:

When the sun appears,
The cycle begins again going on for years,
One day I will be free,
One day someone will hear my plea,

They will come and see what I had to endure
My future after the punishment is obscure,
All I can do is hope,
That with the eternal punishment I will cope.

one can only wonder what crime you have committed to rate such terrible punishment as this. it seems like test of emotional and mental, rather than physical endurance. the defendant is determined to ride it out and pay the price for freedom. good write!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thanks Cat! I am glad that parts of the poem resonated with you!

author comment
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