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City Ruins

Submitted by Dystopia on Tue, 2022-07-19 18:48

Gathering around the city of white,
Pestilence, famine, and lack of elixir,
Things any man would fear,
Upon the arrival of death before their gates,
For an end of all ends, the city braced.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
This was written pre-pandemic… the irony.
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week July 17th through July 23 2022
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Rosewood Apothecary

Tue, 2022-07-19 19:00

Rosewood Apothecary's picture
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One thing…

Gathering around the city of white,
Pestilence, famine, and lack of elixir,
Things any man would fear,
Upon the arrival of death before their gates,
For an end of all ends, the city braced.

Saying upon twice is very redundant but this means exactly the same thing. Please take my suggestions lightly. Really cool poem.

Tim

Dystopia

Tue, 2022-07-19 19:04

Dystopia's picture
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Thanks for the suggestion! I didn’t even notice that!

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