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Friends
Friends are like butterflies
we gather and take home
our words, like thunderstorms
damaging delicate wings!
singing their songs
as a bird upon the wing
personalities blending
into beautiful things
sweetly holding hands
now standing in the rain
offering up a prayer
that society might refrain!
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
I need anyone who reads this to give me some ideas about what and if I should add to it. I wrote it with the
idea of it being a sort of apology to any of my friends. I want to say more and have on another draft, but it just won't fly from here right now.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
South Ogden, Utah
Favorite Poets
Jon Anderson, Jon Ondrasik, Donald Fagen, and all of the poets at neo.
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Comments
Candlewitch
Wed, 2023-03-22 14:13
hello John, a few thoughts to get you started
Some Friends are
fragile, like butterflies
each relationship
shining brightly on its own
we gather and take home
sometimes our words
like thunderstorms can
damage their delicate wings!
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Leslie
Wed, 2023-03-22 16:48
These words...
will definitely help. Cat I wanted it to be a happy write and this will help! Thank you again!!!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
author commentClentin
Thu, 2023-03-23 14:13
Good poem. Friends share
Good poem. Friends share truth within an environment that fosters careful wording
Leslie
Thu, 2023-03-23 16:24
Thank you Sir...
I was trying to describe the song of hope that we all should have in this crazy world,
although that song in particular seems to be having a fleeting refrain!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
author commentRoseBlack
Fri, 2023-03-24 10:22
A good start
Friends certainly are delicate like butterflies and easily damaged by harsh words and treatment. But when cared for and nurtured, friendships blossom into beautiful things. Good job
~RoseBlack~
Leslie
Fri, 2023-03-24 14:45
Fiends!
Thank for your wise and kind comments. Specifically, I was aiming at a worldwide friendship or brotherhood.
Thanks for reading and taking an interest in my writing. I appreciate your comments!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
author commentswamp-witch
Sun, 2023-03-26 12:56
Offering up a prayer
Hey Aesthetic,
What are we praying for? The end of stormy/harmful friendships? (You asked about internal logic in your review request, this is an internal logic question, want to make sure I understand the poem).
Kelsey
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