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Fox tail

Submitted by Leslie on Wed, 2024-01-31 04:15

Hey pidge
he called out loud
come down to the ground
I've made you some tea
and some seed cake to boot
I've spared no expense
now how do you do?
I just want to be friends
spend some quality time
this fine afternoon
pidge sat there thinking
wondering what she should do
would it hurt if she entreated him
for a moment or two
her feathers in a ruff
she took a chance that afternoon
but that wiley old fox
knew just what to do
pidge flew right down
within a yard or two
picked up a seed cake
then off she flew
but the fox, he was faster
than she'd known him to be
and with one gaping mouthful
he ended the feud

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Wed, 2024-01-31 10:20

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Fox tail" utilizes a narrative style to tell a story, which can be an effective way to engage readers. The language is simple and accessible, making it easy for a wide range of audiences to understand. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.

Firstly, the poem could benefit from more descriptive language and imagery. While the narrative is clear, the lack of vivid imagery makes it less engaging. For example, instead of "pidge flew right down," the poet could describe the way the pigeon flew, the sound of its wings, or its emotions in that moment.

Secondly, the rhythm and meter of the poem could be more consistent. The varying line lengths and syllable counts can make the poem feel disjointed. A consistent rhythm would make the poem flow more smoothly and enhance the reading experience.

Lastly, the ending of the poem is somewhat abrupt. While it is clear that the fox catches the pigeon, the emotional impact of this event could be heightened with more buildup or reflection. This would give the reader more time to process the event and its implications.

Overall, the poem has a clear narrative and accessible language, but could benefit from more descriptive language, a consistent rhythm, and a more developed ending.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

Wed, 2024-01-31 06:54

Dear Leslie,

I really like the narrative you employed here. It is well told and enjoyable. I am a sucker for a good tale. poor foolish pidge... that is what happens when one gets overly confident, they become complacent. Excellent work!

*ever eddy styx & Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Leslie

Wed, 2024-01-31 09:27

Cat...

Thank you, I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

author comment

Lavender

Wed, 2024-01-31 11:04

Fox Tail

Hello, Leslie,
Reminds me of a child's nursery rhyme. Great lesson! This has an interesting rhyme pattern - loose, but just enough to carry it through with a lighthearted rhythm. Very nice!
L

Neopoet

Fox tail