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Dawning
Dawning
Your shadow draws shorter devouring itself
as sweet morning light wanes into noon,
that time of day when all seeming
loses it's resplendent illusions
and the fairy magic of twilight
is swept under the vast carpet of day.
Echoes of your fading smiles
and midnight eyes burning into memory
are lost in the horizon of introspection.
Your lonely soul now stranded and confined
in the wastelands of the nowhere of in-between
speaks to mine of darkest isolation
and it's need of resolution's saving grace
consolation in a solution of ultimate absolution.
I am withered and dying in the dawning
of sorrow's revelation that I'm not the "one."
(Not your special someone who can save you.)
All the wanting in my world will not make it so,
with all my bleeding heart I release
my clinging hold upon your beauty
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
another poem for the manuscript "Mirror rorriM"
your help is appreciated, Thanks, Cat
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
Northwestern Wisconsin USA
Favorite Poets
Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda and many more.
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Comments
Candlewitch
Fri, 2012-07-06 11:05
Thank You, Lonnie,
for your kind words and loyal readership. You are greatly appreciated :)
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentIan.T
Fri, 2012-07-06 03:31
Cat,
Just a lovely write all the way through,
I was wondering if the plural Smiles could be Smile as it echoes, means it is more than one of that image... Just a "S" mall thought for perfection lol,
Yours as always Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Candlewitch
Fri, 2012-07-06 11:11
Dearest Ian,
I am always intrigued by your thoughts. Thank you for sharing them with me. This poem, I wrote about an old friend (male) who wanted more than friendship with me. Unfortunately he was not yet recovered from a love relationship gone sour. We remained friends but lost touch with eachother. I still think of him from time to time and wish him the best that life has to offer.
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentloved
Fri, 2012-07-06 04:51
It just dawned on me Cat
It just dawned on me....
that I'm no where near the dawn,
perhaps the starlit night
may welcome me,
ere I'm left forlorn
the twilight breaks in between
me
and
your breath-taking poetry
about the horizon that's me...
loved
Candlewitch
Fri, 2012-07-06 11:14
Dear Loved,
Thank you for your thoughts and kind words. Remember that the twilight is also a lovely place to spend time.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentloved
Fri, 2012-07-06 13:27
reciprocally you are
wonderful Cat
and
thanks for the tear ,
for my friend..
...''where is the poetic justice
you all portray
couldn’t we have walked by eternity
together, the same happy way…
alas none can perhaps,
so I stand watching
in front of the mirror
searching for her…
loved
scribbler
Fri, 2012-07-06 11:53
hi Cat
Rich imagery reinforces the yearning within this poem. The only thing that made me stumble was "swept under the vast carpet of day" which seems a bit contradictory with itself. Maybe something like "is smothered by the harsh light of day'? or something similar. Of course it may well be your intent to have this part of the poem twist our perceptions in which case well done.......................stan
Candlewitch
Fri, 2012-07-20 12:35
Thank You Stan,
It is as you say.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2012-07-20 12:19
I wonder if you realise how exquisitely written this is.
Gorgeously crafted, read it back to yourself and listen to how the "oh" sounds reinforce the content. This is truly a remarkable piece.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Candlewitch
Fri, 2012-07-20 12:39
Dear Jess,
I am delighted to see you have visited my poem! Yes, I was rather pleased with the way this one turned out. It seemed to write itself. I'm so glad you liked it. Thank you for telling me so!
love ya, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentjudyanne
Fri, 2012-07-20 12:37
gracious
love it
just a typo
'loses it’s resplendent illusions and the magic of twilight' - (its – no apostrophe)
'Your lonely soul now stranded and confined
in the wastelands of the nowhere of in-between
speaks to mine of darkest isolation
and it's need of resolution's saving grace
consolation in a solution of ultimate absolution.
I am withered and dying in the dawning
of sorrow's revelation that I'm not the "one."
- love this – great word usage
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Candlewitch
Fri, 2012-07-20 12:43
Dear Judy,
praise from you and my whole day goes right! glad you liked it. I'll fix the error. thank you, so very much!
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
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