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Dark eyes!

Submitted by Leslie on Wed, 2023-04-26 02:59

Dark eyes!

At first glance you won’t notice
the message in my eyes
but a second look will cause you
to more than just surmise
the dark and lonely feeling
hidden in disguise
and take you down to netherworlds
where heartbreaks still survive
and are left on rocky beaches
where forever they’ll abide
the night is long and dark
with none to fraternize
with the efforts of your struggle
much less to patronize!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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neopoet

Wed, 2023-04-26 02:59

neopoet's picture
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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem "Dark Eyes!" captures the feeling of loneliness and heartbreak through its use of vivid imagery and strong emotions. The first stanza sets the tone with a warning that there is more than meets the eye when it comes to the speaker's emotions. The second stanza goes deeper into the darkness of the speaker's feelings, painting a picture of a desolate and isolated place where heartbreaks are left to linger. The final stanza emphasizes the speaker's sense of isolation and struggle, as they are left to face their emotions alone.

One suggested line edit would be to change "capsulize" to "encapsulate" for a smoother flow and more commonly used word choice.

Overall, the poem effectively conveys the theme of loneliness and heartbreak through its use of strong imagery and emotions. The only improvement would be to consider restructuring the final stanza to make the rhythm and flow more consistent with the rest of the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Leslie

Wed, 2023-04-26 03:11

Leslie's picture

I wrote this to show how I manage my own struggles. I have desensitized my
system because of the extreme intensity that I feel due to my own trials and
those around me.

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

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