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DARK ANGEL - 4.

Tonight again I watch her dance.
Her body sways and I am lost
In lust, in passion, hot desire
That clouds my mind with thoughts so wild.

The music plays, I do not hear
My eyes are fixed on naked flesh
That moves in time to rhythm strange
And I respond the only way.

She loves to tease,
She loves to show.
For grace and beauty none compare.
Her breasts full ripe,
Her nipples proud,
Smooth, sinuous limbs,
Silk Furnaced hair.

The night falls black, the wind moans low
Come my angel dark bestow
On your patient friend that sweetest gift
For it's midnight past and you're all I wished.
It’s midnight past these words are true
Long past midnight,
All I want is you.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem successfully uses vivid and sensual imagery to convey a sense of desire and longing. The use of repetition, particularly in the last two lines, effectively emphasizes the speaker's yearning. However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme to enhance its musicality and flow.

In the first four stanzas, the poem seems to follow a loose ABAB rhyme scheme, but this is not maintained in the following stanzas. Consistency in rhyme scheme can help to create a more cohesive and harmonious piece.

Additionally, the rhythm of the poem is somewhat irregular. The number of syllables per line varies widely, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. Working to establish a more consistent meter could improve the poem's rhythm and make it more pleasing to the ear.

Lastly, while the poem's imagery is generally effective, some lines could be revised for clarity. For instance, "Silk Furnaced hair" is a somewhat confusing image. Does the speaker mean the hair is as smooth as silk and as fiery as a furnace? If so, this could be made clearer.

Overall, this poem has a strong emotional core and uses imagery well, but could be improved with attention to rhythm, rhyme, and clarity of imagery.

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