Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

DANCE OF DARKNESS

The drum begins, coughing like a choking child,
Humming, producing sounds, stretching their souls further,
"gba gba, gbo, gbo", legs talking, calling forth the wild,
Hearts jumping in surrender, stained teeth, engulfing fervour,
Enjoying paralyzing rhythms, seducing, yet wild,
It's an era of darkness, vainglories and murder,
Yet they dance, washing off their legacy in its trickles

The dance begins, masking their thoughts and actions,
While they grope about, in love and concern for the new age,
"Up, left, right", breaths communing with motion,
As the beats bathe with sweats pouring from the drum's rage,
Faster, their steps calling the earth's attention,
Itching, cursing, making mockery of their father's adage.

They dance proudly, in styles which anger the leaves and trees,
Many being chewed upon, strangled by the stench of darkness,
I think of dancing too, my energy buzzing like healthy bees,
But my brain walks far behind me, away from this madness.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

It is not feasible to offer feedback.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Hello, Sheddie,
A very sensory poem - I can hear and see the movement. Very emotional.
Thank you,
L

Thanks ❤️

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.