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CONSCIENCE

Submitted by Sheddie on Thu, 2023-08-24 01:37

Beneath the stars that light up the night sky,
There's a place inside us where truths lie,
It's like a small room within our heart,
Where we decide what's wrong or right from the start.

It's like a little lamp that sells our sale,
Helping us see what's star or stale
It winks to us softly, like a quiet song,
Helping us know where we belong.

In the garden of our feelings, it takes care,
Like flowers of choices blooming there,
Each choice we make, it helps us see,
What's good and bad, how things should be.

The conscience stands still from sunset to sunrise,
Helping us make choices that are nice,
With simple words and stories, you show,
The right path to go.

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Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2023-08-24 07:40

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Conscience" explores the concept of an internal moral compass that guides our decisions and helps us distinguish between right and wrong. The imagery of a small room within the heart and a little lamp that illuminates our choices effectively conveys the idea of conscience as a guiding force. The poem also highlights the role of conscience in nurturing our emotions and helping us make informed decisions.

One suggestion for improvement is to consider varying the rhyme scheme and meter throughout the poem. Currently, the poem follows a consistent ABAB rhyme scheme and a mostly iambic meter. While this creates a sense of rhythm, it can also make the poem feel predictable and monotonous. Experimenting with different rhyme schemes or incorporating some irregularities in the meter could add more dynamism and interest to the poem.

Additionally, the poem could benefit from further exploration of the consequences of following or ignoring one's conscience. This could deepen the thematic exploration and provide more insight into the significance of conscience in our lives. Consider expanding on

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RoseBlack

Thu, 2023-08-24 08:26

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And meaningful poem regarding our own conscience. I like the use of imagery and how the conscience is a guiding light when it comes to making moral decisions. Well done.

~RoseBlack~

Sheddie

Thu, 2023-08-24 13:39

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Thanks ❤️

author comment

Lavender

Thu, 2023-08-24 21:41

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Hello, Sheddie,
So many nice images here - the small room, little lamp, the garden. Not certain why AI thought your aabb rhyme pattern is abab, but it is nice and tight, and logical. I like the meter / pace in the last lines of the second and third stanzas - an 8 syllables count. I'm wondering if the last line in the first stanza should be shortened, and the last line in the final stanza should be lengthened to match that count. The poem would flow a bit smoother. This is a lovely theme with a clear universal message.
Thank you!
L

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