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City Streets

Submitted by Leslie on Tue, 2023-11-28 01:11

Pale and rainy,
Crying out for relief.
The folks down here
wander, lonely and won’t speak.
In the misty air, huddled together.
In groups, in pairs.
No one seems to know,
what brought them there.
The children’s faces,
are tainted with tears.
If you’re going downtown.
You will find them here.
At the subway station
Begging for something,
a bit to eat.
When you take the last train
home.
Just pay your respects.
To the citizens of poverty.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Last few words: 
I wrote this with a memory in mind. Told me by a college professor that experienced something similar. Nonetheless, I felt it a worthy subject to write about
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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neopoet

Tue, 2023-11-28 07:11

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "City Streets" effectively uses imagery to depict a somber scene of urban poverty. The use of phrases such as "Pale and rainy," "wander, lonely and won’t speak," and "children’s faces, are tainted with tears" evoke strong emotions and create a vivid picture of the city streets in the reader's mind.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme. The current structure seems somewhat disjointed, which may disrupt the flow for the reader. For example, the line "No one seems to know, what brought them there" could be rephrased to maintain the rhythm established in the previous lines.

Additionally, the poem could delve deeper into the individual experiences of the "folks down here". By providing more specific details or anecdotes about these individuals, the poem could create a stronger emotional connection with the reader.

Lastly, the final line "To the citizens of poverty" could be rephrased for more impact. The term "citizens of poverty" is somewhat abstract and may not resonate as strongly with the reader as a more concrete image or description.

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