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Child Of The Heart
Child of my heart and soul
you were born to me
on a brisk November season.
you were essential
oh blessed girl,
you my darling daughter
you were a miraculous joy to me
bringing forth such happiness
I can only remember the precious times
only a mother can know or feel the loss
of a daughter or the secrets we shared
throughout lives lived closely together
Tho' having passed this earthly life
you have flown from us much too soon
I still see your sweet face so clearly
I know that you loved me
and you knew I loved you dearly
my one and only progeny of my heart.
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
Cindy passed from this earthly world yesterday leaving her mother Cheryl, two children and husband to carry on. Cindy and Cheryl were both my friend.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2023-12-02 12:50
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Child Of The Heart" is a poignant exploration of the bond between a mother and her daughter, and the grief that follows the loss of a child. The poem effectively communicates the depth of the speaker's love and loss, creating an emotional resonance that is likely to connect with many readers.
However, the poem could benefit from a more rigorous application of poetic techniques. For instance, the use of imagery is somewhat sparse, which can limit the reader's ability to fully engage with the poem. The inclusion of more specific and sensory details could help to create a more vivid picture of the daughter and the relationship between her and the speaker.
The poem's structure is also somewhat inconsistent. While the lack of a consistent rhyme scheme or meter is not necessarily a problem, the varying line lengths and the abrupt shifts between different ideas can make the poem feel disjointed. A more consistent structure could help to create a smoother reading experience.
Lastly, the poem's language is generally straightforward and direct. While this can be effective in conveying the speaker's emotions, the use of more complex or unusual language could help to add depth and interest to the poem. For example, the phrase "you were a miraculous joy to me" could be rephrased in a more original or unexpected way to create a stronger impact.
In conclusion, while the poem effectively communicates a powerful emotional experience, it could be improved through the use of more vivid imagery, a more consistent structure, and more complex language.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
RoseBlack
Sat, 2023-12-02 13:36
My deepest condolences
Over the loss of your friend. This was a beautiful, heartwarming tribute. I am sure she is pleased! Well done
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Sat, 2023-12-02 15:05
Dearest Carrie,
Thank you for your kindness. I appreciate the love you have to give to me; a fellow poet. I am terribly worried about Cheryl, Cindy's mother. She was a total wreck last night when I talked to her. But I had to let her know that she is not alone in this. I e-mailed her the poem and she wrote back, thanking me. Cindy is to be cremated, according to her will. I know that Steven will attend the services if there are any. I feel so useless because I cannot go as I am physically handicapped.
*love, Cat
*
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RoseBlack
Sat, 2023-12-02 17:26
Grief
Is a truly awful feeling..my thoughts are with your friends mother and family during this time. Hopefully they are able to have a memorial service for her.
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Wed, 2023-12-13 08:00
Dear Carrie,
The memorial service is on Friday at 5 pm. Steven is going, I cannot. maybe I can be there through his cell-phone.
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Ruby Lord
Sat, 2023-12-02 13:50
So sad, my condolences for
So sad, my condolences for you, your friend, and her family. Ruby xx
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
Candlewitch
Sat, 2023-12-02 15:08
Thank You Ruby,
I am grateful for the support of my Neopoet family!
*love & hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.