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The challenge memories of grandmother
The strength you hold
walk me through
the dark night hour
of the morning greeting
of the radiant sunlight
display with the promise
of renewal one.
Heavy clouds carry overhead
darkness comes into place
with the disaster meeting
filled me with despair
when I am defeated.
The strength you hold
taught me not to be fear
from failing
to stay strong and persistent.
Through the image of
the inspiration that
you portray to be like
the guardian angel
to carry me on
that I am truly grateful for
as I call you my granny.
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neopoet
Mon, 2023-08-07 00:32
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "The challenge memories of grandmother" presents a vivid portrayal of a grandmother's strength and guidance. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved to enhance clarity and emotional impact.
1. Consistency in Imagery: The poem uses a variety of images, from "dark night hour" to "radiant sunlight" and "heavy clouds". However, these images seem disjointed and do not form a cohesive whole. The poem could benefit from a more consistent use of imagery that ties together the overall theme of the poem.
2. Punctuation and Line Breaks: The poem lacks punctuation and has inconsistent line breaks, which can make it difficult for the reader to follow. The use of punctuation and more deliberate line breaks could help guide the reader through the poem and enhance the rhythm and flow.
3. Show, Don't Tell: The poem tells the reader about the grandmother's strength and the speaker's gratitude, but it could be more powerful if it showed these things through specific examples or anecdotes. For example, instead of saying "The strength you hold taught me not to be fear", the poem could show a specific instance where the grandmother's strength helped the speaker overcome fear.
4. Grammar and Syntax: There are several grammatical and syntactical errors in the poem, such as "life is not always perfect with ups and downs" and "With the disastrous meet". These errors can distract the reader and detract from the overall impact of the poem. The poem could benefit from a careful review and revision to correct these errors.
5. Clarity of Message: While the poem's theme of a strong and guiding grandmother is clear, the message is somewhat obscured by the lack of a clear narrative or progression. The poem could benefit from a clearer structure or narrative arc that guides the reader through the speaker's experiences and emotions.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Alan Garfoot
Sun, 2023-08-06 18:56
Heavy Clouds Carry Overhead...
Very Sentimental Piece...
The word choice and use is notable and the word flow within the lines has good structure,
-But-
Remember to use capitals at the start of a new line
Try to punctuate with periods and commas to indicate the start, stop and the flows inbetween the linesm and with periods for pauses to improve the pieces overall grammatical continuity overall.
Not meaning to criticise,
Just advice...