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Black hole (Gaia BH2)
They said her name was Gaia,
blackened hollow eye.
From somewhere out in time and space
she whispered through the night.
Dark and sullen lullabies
which filled expansive space.
Demon of the universe
A shadow hid her face.
I saw her once while in a trance,
across the milky way.
devourer of stars and matter
designed to free up space,
in fear I watched her day by day
from Hubble's telescope
To find that she did nothing more,
than loiter there in space!
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I read up on black holes because they
interested me. I found them less
formidable than they really seemed to be.
I hope you like it.
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South Ogden, Utah
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Jon Anderson, Jon Ondrasik, Donald Fagen, and all of the poets at neo.
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Comments
neopoet
Sun, 2023-12-17 02:50
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem, "Black Hole (Gaia BH2)", effectively uses vivid imagery and personification to create an engaging narrative. The choice to personify the black hole as "Gaia" adds an intriguing layer to the poem, suggesting a connection between the destructive power of black holes and the creative force of the Earth goddess.
The poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme. While there are instances of rhyme, such as "space" and "face" in the first stanza, the scheme is not maintained throughout the poem. Consistency in rhythm and rhyme can enhance the musicality of the poem and make it more engaging to read.
The poem's ending could also be reworked for a stronger impact. The current ending, "than loiter there in space!", seems to deflate the tension built up in the previous lines. Consider ending on a note that maintains or heightens the sense of awe and mystery surrounding black holes.
Lastly, the poem could delve deeper into the metaphor of the black hole as Gaia. This is a compelling idea that could be further explored to add depth to the poem. For example, the poem could draw more parallels between the destructive power of black holes and the creative force of Gaia, or explore the paradox of a life-giving entity being associated with something as destructive as a black hole.
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Ruby Lord
Sun, 2023-12-17 05:27
I loved this, it's really
I loved this, it's really good and I enjoyed reading it. The rythm and flow are excellent and the underlying message makes the reader rethink our universe. Great job. Ruby :) xx
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
Leslie
Sun, 2023-12-17 07:26
Hi Ruby
As often is the case. Neo didn't get it at all. First Gaia is the name
of a black hole and secondly most black holes are found to be
inactive ie to be seemingly loitering in space.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
author commentLavender
Sun, 2023-12-17 11:45
Gaia
The final line brings such a great, ironic finish to the significance of the black hole. Such unimaginable wonderment out there! Really enjoyed this.
Thank you!
L
Leslie
Sun, 2023-12-17 13:20
Thank you very much
Black holes, is something or someone governing them. Are they just the universes garbage can?
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
author commentLeslie
Sun, 2023-12-17 13:20
Thank you very much
Black holes, is something or someone governing them. Are they just the universes garbage can?
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
author commentLeslie
Sun, 2023-12-17 13:20
Thank you very much
Black holes, is something or someone governing them. Are they just the universes garbage can?
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
author comment