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The Birth of Ebony

Submitted by Seren on Thu, 2023-02-09 09:36

A spirit has equal parts
of light and dark inside,
looking within myself
I saw a darkened tide

Released with revelation
I now rule over death,
throwing back my head
howling without breath

Guttural are the sounds
that rumble in my chest,
trumpets sounded time
the angels rose from rest

Know, he stole my innocence
filled a heart with fears,
took away my confidence
I knew nothing else but tears

Night terrors torment sleep
he's still torturing my soles,
my skin is rent reminders
cigarettes unmade wholes

It's time for retribution
he had to pay the price
with skin, not paper money
no chance to roll the dice

Pinning him with thorns
driving stakes into hands
I'm starting at the nape
skinning him with sands

The shroud of hate is donned
that shades the bright soul
I loosed splintered arrows
to heart and made a hole

I devised ways to torture
that made women faint
laying back raw red flesh
With blood I finger paint

I felt a thousand eyes
boring into deep within
suddenly I had to stop
which was a greater sin

I had unleashed hell
a raging devils storm
in doing that blackened
all good within my form

I stopped to take the pulse
everything I had wrought
it was stilled within my body
this a twisted justice brought

I let out a low whistle
calling up the demons,
showing them my act
marshalling up a legion

On a black Chariot to Hell
dragging a ragged shape,
he moved on to purgatory
to be sentenced for rape

I travelled glassy roads
barefoot to redemption,
calling out to every God
for divine intervention

But,
There is no going back
to what I was before,
I am the Ebony Angel
armed to settle every score

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Thu, 2023-02-09 09:59

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I know that you had a very tough time of it, and it hurts my heart! I wish only peace and happiness for you.
your poem is very tight and flows continuous from start to finish. I felt I rushed through it. to devour every single word of your torment and betrayal! I think you should write a book about your life, too, as I think it would be quite interesting!

*Love, Sis

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Seren

Thu, 2023-02-09 11:41

Seren's picture

I got the idea from the poetry competition Chariot to Hell. It's not for the competition. I'm really glad you think it's flowing well. Neither of our lives have been a walk in the park. I am gladdened to know you have your love. I no longer think it's this lifetime I'll find a soulmate. I said to someone recently I would live a thousand lifetimes to find mine. I have already written my story years ago it needs to be updated. Not for anyone else except myself.

Much love always Sis

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Rosewood Apothecary

Thu, 2023-02-09 12:32

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The shroud of hate is donned
that shades the bright soul
I (loosed) unloosed splintered arrows
to heart and made a hole

I stopped to take the pulse
everything I('d) had wrought
it was stilled within my body
this a twisted justice brought

Just a couple things.

I hope you’re he writing of this was cathartic. Sending love.
Tim

Seren

Sun, 2023-02-12 00:21

Seren's picture

Thanks so much for the critique I've been off my game this last couple of weeks. My Dads ashes were interred in the columbarium yesterday and we had a final service so I've been dealing with it.

Thanks for the read and your time which I appreciate more than you know

Kind regards Jayne

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Geezer

Fri, 2023-02-10 10:00

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reading in the wrong tempo, but I felt there was a need to read it through and you will find the spots where you will hesitate or stumble. I left you a list, and after reading a few of the other comments, I felt that I did you a disservice, by leaving you a list like you are a beginner. So... away goes the list, and I will leave you to figure out the plan. Love and higgest bugs, ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Seren

Sun, 2023-02-12 00:33

Seren's picture

I would never take anything you suggested the wrong way, Hmmm it maybe just me because I know the tempo in my mind. When I'm up to it I will go over this again and see if it needs adjusting. I'll send you a photo in Msg you'll see what I did ouch.

Thanks for the read and bringing up the tempo issues I will make sure to edit it again and see if I've messed it up.

Love and Higgliest bugs Sis xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

Poets Hand

Thu, 2023-02-09 21:16

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I don't want to say anything that might belittle or diminish the strength of this poem. The whole poem describes a metamorphosis from spirit to Ebony Angel armed to settle every score. Of course there is the ugly duty in the chrysalis worked until the metamorphosis is complete. There are raw feeling here in these lines, an opening of the heart for public inspection the argument for justification of the final stanza.

Poets Hand
Hannah

Seren

Sun, 2023-02-12 00:39

Seren's picture

You're spot on. This isn't my normal type of poetry, I usually leave that up to the experts. Geezer, Candlewitch, RoseBlack and so on. And yes I did leave myself open for a conversation for justification of my action in word.

I wanted to step out of my comfort zone and challenge myself. I think I've missed the mark. But I shall work on it.

Thanks so much for your time and for reading this one.

Love and hugs Jayne x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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RoseBlack

Thu, 2023-02-09 23:55

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You are an excellent dark angel, vigilante. Hope you find the peace and love you desire.

~RoseBlack~

Seren

Sun, 2023-02-12 00:44

Seren's picture

Coming from the Bitchilante that's high praise. I don't think I pulled it off that well, I was trying to step out of my comfort zone and challenge myself.

A work in progress.

Thanks for the read and your time it's appreciated.

Love & hugs Jayne xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Lightning Dust

Fri, 2023-02-10 22:00

Lightning Dust's picture

Wow! This is dark but the cadence is perfect I read along to the music you suggested it didn't miss a beat.

Your Black Angel is bitching, it's very different from your norm and that to me makes it that much better stepping out of yourself and into something not comfortable is a hard task but you've made it look easy.

Love L & J

Seren

Sun, 2023-02-12 00:52

Seren's picture

You're way too kind. I think it might have missed the mark. I thought the tempo was tight but I think it maybe only in my mind I'll keep working on it.

Thanks so much for read and your time. I know you've been hellishly busy these last couple of weeks.

Love to you both OJ xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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