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Back & Forth
Black ravens rise beside the road –
A stark contrast against the snow,
Pristine white where the angels trode;
They pause, then boundingly, they go.
There! In the brush! Ahead of me!
Beside the road: a herd of deer.
Pausing – then, hesitatingly
They come as though they feel no fear
And begin crossing nonchalantly,
Stepping lightly, walking, single file,
So sure of their fleeting safety;
As for me? I can't help but smile
As I put the car back in gear
And drive on down this Prairie Road,
In my head, visions of wild deer
Crossing where white angels have trode …
Prespatou, BC 2015 on the usual Saturday drive 82 km South to get groceries in FSJ Probably penned in the little Pizza Restaurant in FSJ
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
[This option has been removed]
Last few words:
FSJ = Fort St John, a town in Northwestern British Columbia. A kilometre is about 0.6 miles. I was teaching (and living) in a place called Prespatou, a Mennonite Community, 82 km North of the nearest town (FSJ). Prespatou would not even qualify as a hamlet. It consisted of the school (K to 12) with three mobile homes subdivided, each into two units, making six in all, for teachers to live in. There were two Mennonite churches, one in German, one in English, an Old Folks Home (these were past the General Store/Post Office/Gas Station/Cafe that was about a mile and half down the road). Every Saturday was a trip south to FSJ for grocery shopping and other things. It was on the Prairies, so farming country and mostly flat or slightly undulating except where traversed by small rivers. The main road to Prespatou was paved from the highway, but preferred a short cut which took me through The Tullies.
This poem was posted because I want to post Back And Forth Second Look.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Lord Barham
Sun, 2022-06-26 23:00
damn it!
That should say Northeasteern BC! Why do I not notice these things before I post?
author commentGeezer
Mon, 2022-06-27 06:39
That is why...
there is an edit button!
Because we get anxious to post and rush through the read! LoL
I think that your "Last Few Words" could be almost be posted as another poem!
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lord Barham
Mon, 2022-06-27 19:13
reply to reply
I was looking for an edit button but didn't find it. I have been kind of distracted lately, trying to arrange to get something done overseas in a wee island most people have never heard of, from a suburb of Vancouver, amongst other things, so may not have noticed it.
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2022-06-28 06:10
Just above...
the title, you will find the edit-button. It's bitch to get anything done overseas from some little island off Vancouver. Hope you finally got it! ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lord Barham
Wed, 2022-06-29 00:45
second reply to reply
Yer that sounds good to me. Or perhaps people just contribute when they can.
author commentJackweb
Mon, 2022-06-27 08:56
Take it down..
Rework on it very well. And you will definitely come out with the best!
Show your poems to others and ask for critism. Don't be content with the response like, " It's a fine poem". You won't learn anything from that kind of response.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Michael Anthony
Mon, 2022-06-27 09:58
Enjoyed the observational
Enjoyed the observational moments in this LB. Are you taking artistic license with the word "trode", or did you mean to use the word trod?
Keep writing and sharing
Cheers
Michael Anthony
Lord Barham
Mon, 2022-06-27 19:19
reply to reply
No trode was deliberate. I heard it in a song from a band in the UK (or perhaps an old folk song) so can't claim to have "created" the word. Sadly, I am no e e cummings! – though I do invent the odd word now and again for fun. If it seems like I put trode instead of trod for the sake of rhyme, be it known I did the opposite: tried to create a line to rhyme with trode! (And would the bloody spell-checker quit turning it into trade? I like the sound of it. Actually, I think I got it from an old 60s folkie band, Incredible String Band, now that I think of it. I like playing with language and have a peculiar love for archaic words and expressions. I sometimes play with sentence structure unnecessarily because I kind of like playing around with syntax.
author commentLord Barham
Mon, 2022-06-27 19:19
reply to reply
No trode was deliberate. I heard it in a song from a band in the UK (or perhaps an old folk song) so can't claim to have "created" the word. Sadly, I am no e e cummings! – though I do invent the odd word now and again for fun. If it seems like I put trode instead of trod for the sake of rhyme, be it known I did the opposite: tried to create a line to rhyme with trode! (And would the bloody spell-checker quit turning it into trade? I like the sound of it. Actually, I think I got it from an old 60s folkie band, Incredible String Band, now that I think of it. I like playing with language and have a peculiar love for archaic words and expressions. I sometimes play with sentence structure unnecessarily because I kind of like playing around with syntax.
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2022-06-28 06:12
There actually...
is a word trode! Meaning to trod, tread. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lord Barham
Wed, 2022-06-29 00:48
reply to reply
I believe there's also a trowed as the past participle of trow!
author commentGeezer
Wed, 2022-06-29 01:20
Yes...
you are right. I trow [I think] I trowed, [I thought].
However, you were using it as a mode of walking ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lord Barham
Wed, 2022-06-29 20:48
reply to reply
This is true, but spelled (spelt?) differently. I can't resist punning and using malapropisms! Malapropisms are particularly amusing when the person or people one is talking to, aren't aware that one is doing it deliberately! And of course, puns always make people groan and roll their eyes. You should have seen me as a teacher in my classroom! Used to drive the kids crazy.
author commentGeezer
Thu, 2022-06-30 00:32
I love word-play...
almost as much as any other kind of game. That's what it is, a game to se where one can take a thing and bring it back. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.