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All of this music!

Submitted by Leslie on Tue, 2024-03-12 09:35

All this music in the background
placating my tender ears.
Lace my feelings with a drop of of thunder
and again with saddened tears.
My furtive motives are'nt grounded.
They take flight from ear to ear.
They hear and feel things, far within.
Sounds that ring so loud and clear.
Take me far into the midnight,
waft away in colored balloons.
Let me run through fields of tulips,
join my voice with choral strains.
Every sound is so enchanting.
Won't you come and sing with me!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Music, a universal language. It speaks to every culture deep within heart and mind. It can heal your body too. Some cultures speak entirely with song and record their ancestrry in so doing. Beautiful it can take us like poetry wherever we desire to go!
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2024-03-12 15:40

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "All of this music!" demonstrates a strong use of imagery and metaphor, which effectively conveys the speaker's emotional connection to music. However, there are areas where clarity and coherence could be improved.

The first two stanzas effectively introduce the theme of music and its emotional impact. The use of phrases like "placating my tender ears" and "Lacing soft feeling with a drop or two of thunder" are particularly evocative. However, the phrase "My furtive sensitivities are not grounded" is somewhat unclear. If the intention is to convey that the speaker's emotions are volatile or easily influenced by music, this could be made clearer.

The transition from the second to the third stanza is not entirely smooth. The third stanza introduces new imagery (midnight, colored balloons, fields of tulips, choral strains) that is not clearly connected to the theme of music. If these images are meant to represent different types of music or musical experiences, this could be made more explicit.

The final stanza effectively concludes the poem with an invitation to the reader to join the speaker in their musical journey. However, the phrase "Every sound is so enchanting" is somewhat vague. More specific language could be used to convey what exactly about the sounds is enchanting.

Overall, the poem could benefit from clearer transitions between stanzas and more specific language to convey the speaker's emotional response to music.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

Tue, 2024-03-12 09:52

Candlewitch's picture
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I can see from your poem that your day, like mine, starts and ends with music! I loved these lines:

My furtive sensitivities are not grounded.
They take flight from ear to ear.
They hear and feel things, far within.
Sounds that ring so loud and clear.
Take me far into the midnight,

*hugs, Cat

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Leslie

Tue, 2024-03-12 13:13

Leslie's picture

You are so kind. I appreciate your opinion and voice.

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

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