Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

07/57

Read, relive, repeat,

The day when the beginning birthed,
When the sun seldom sat on the face of the earth,
A little bright, a little blurry,
When nature calm, crawling, taking up again
The Lord seeing through shiny eyes, professing goodness,
Everything is good: better
All is well, All is well.

Rejoice, Recieve, Repeat

The floor cleaned to welcome,
Pleasant shouts, echoes of triumph through the air,
Moving melodies, reverberating rhythms, special songs
Lo, a new star shines, a new nation lives
Another to fulfil, a maiden government
Hear how he cries, yelling into existence
See how he folds, withdrawing in utmost shyness
Everything is good: better
All is well, All is well

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "07/57" captures a sense of nostalgia and celebration of new beginnings. The repetition of "Read, relive, repeat" and "Rejoice, receive, repeat" creates a rhythmic structure that adds to the overall flow of the poem. The use of imagery, such as "nature calm, crawling, taking up again" and "a new star shines, a new nation lives," helps to paint a vivid picture.

However, there are a few areas where the poem could be strengthened. Firstly, the poem could benefit from more specific and concrete language. For example, instead of using phrases like "a little bright, a little blurry," consider using more descriptive words that evoke a clearer image for the reader.

Additionally, the poem could explore the theme of new beginnings in more depth. While the poem mentions the birth of something new, it doesn't delve into the significance or impact of this event. Consider expanding on this idea and exploring the emotions or implications associated with this

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.