Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Ticket to There

Submitted by Michael Anthony on Sat, 2024-08-03 18:09

Sometimes, when I'm blue
I make no distinction
between planes or trains.

I imagine they'll both take me
away to somewhere else
I'd much rather be.

A place where you're still with me.
Not helplessly fading away.
My weathered ticket in hand.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Lavender

Sat, 2024-08-03 18:36

Lavender's picture
Volunteer badge

Hello, Michael,
Beautiful, and very deep in thought. Perfect title, and such wonderful meaning in the final line.
Thank you,
L

Michael Anthony

Sun, 2024-08-04 15:32

Michael Anthony's picture
Volunteer badge

Thanks L! I wrote this one in my head while walking in one of my favorite local places to walk. I really liked the last line too, if I do say so myself. Always appreciate you stopping by!

Best

Michael Anthony

author comment

Geezer

Sun, 2024-08-04 14:03

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

I got lost in the last three lines.
If you rearrange the last thre lines, you don't have to think about who is fading away.

"Not helplessly fading away,
my weathered ticket in hand,
a place where you are still with me.

A rather somber picture of being lonely.

~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Michael Anthony

Sun, 2024-08-04 15:36

Michael Anthony's picture
Volunteer badge

Thanks Geez! This was intended to be more about grief than loneliness, and how we deal with it. Might have missed for you, but I like the last stanza as is, but it's always okay for the reader to get different messages from a poem. Appreciate you taking the time to contribute thoughtful comments sir!

Best

Michael Anthony

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.