Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Hot or cold?
Do I prefer being hot or cold
The former i guess, if I were old
Fans whirring
ice slurping
stone as cold as can be
Cold floors to lie on
Swimming pools to dive in
The cold cold sea
Cotton dresses,
Sun glasses
Sweat trickling free
Water fights
Sound nice
When you're as hot as can be
Forty f.cking five degrees.
Or minus 2 and freeze freeze freeze
There is an advantage to being cold
Snuggle together and start being bold
However my throat has never recovered
From 2nd Jan when it was deflowered
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words:
Stimulated by JC s comment on babies dying from heat
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Seren
Sat, 2013-01-26 01:30
Cold I am getting old
I liked your poem
though after the summer we are having
I dont think I could handle this heat every year
its debilitating luckly we are having some rain
so its humid but its not as hot as its been
sorry to ramble on the heat I am just sick of it LOL !!
Jayne-Chloe xxx
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Frenchf
Sat, 2013-01-26 14:34
We should really trade places.
My hands are icy as a type!
loved
Sat, 2013-01-26 06:31
blow hot blow cold
ur ung not so old
deflowered recently ...
why to the whole wild have you told ???
maintain secrecy
gals remain virgins
till sixty
loved
Frenchf
Sat, 2013-01-26 14:36
Well pointed out
I meant throat was deflowered as a concept. I'll change it xxxx
loved
Sun, 2013-01-27 06:18
glad
for you
else many will misunderstand
what you want to convey
loved
weirdelf
Sun, 2013-01-27 05:55
my my but you have a lovely way with words
but please don't be coy. This is an adult site, don't say f.cking, say fucking. You know you can and it is more real and satisfying. And 'From 2nd Jan when it was deflowered' say it 'From second Jan when it was deflowered', maybe even say it in full, to add weight
From the second of January
when it was deflowered
Am I nitpicking? Yes, certainly, there's nothing else to do with this insouciant poem with a strong ending. The small changes would make a big difference.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Frenchf
Mon, 2013-01-28 14:22
Thank you sweetness
But my mum taught me never to swear even though you are right sometimes I wish to say it in full xx
loved
Sun, 2013-01-27 06:21
you have been blessed by
a visionary ...
also read Geremia ..Joe
he is abs WONDERFUL...
loved