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Mother love senryu

On the phone overheard
his mothers voice say "love"
Why was he aroused?

Last few words: 
This is true. Any one wish to comment?
Editing stage: 


or his mother is dead

2nd line... (mother's) maybe?


Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

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I think mother's as in belongs to mother.
Or should it be mothers voice?

author comment

not big fan of english haiku, since it seems to me the calligraphic aspect is intrinsic to its effectiveness, also, although I 'm guessing, I would think the ideographic nature of japanese would also mean the form is vastly more effective in Japanese than english. Same goes for senryu even though your example has a nice edge to it to me it's too brief to have much effect.

What I wanted to say so shall expand

author comment

As Ross said in a few words this didn't work, probably make it around three stanzas, then it would give you space to expand and wow us,
Though you have labelled it a Senyru which is usually 5-7-5 sylables, let me quickly check something.... Hang on I'm checking..... OK all I can come up with in such a short time is :-

Phone call overheard
his mothers voice saying "love"
this touched him deeply..

The word arousal seems to be out of place here when talking of a mothers love as it is usually used in another context..Not bad for such a rush..
La La Spuggy.

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I think you did a spectacular job in capturing a moment of consciousness and then, by all means, allowed me to imply my own. I wouldn't change a thing.


What did you think.

author comment

You were able to establish two relationships in three short lines. Mother/son and husband/wife (boyfriend/girlfriend). the m/s relationship is obviously established; the h/w union now cast with uncertainity. The uncertainty can be many things, disgust, distrust, shame, embarrassment, insecurity. it's open ended to be interpreted by the reader. it allows the reader to put themselves in and play out the rest of the scenario.

the end can be an innocent explanation of he married his mother and therefore was aroused for his wife or the reader can take it the other way and imply that there is a something awry and play it out with any of the aforementioned thoughts and then some.

again, i loved it. but i love poetry that allows me to escape in it.


I wonder whether ones mind set I influences how one interprets?

author comment
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