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AMONG THE DUNES
Our juggernaut soon won the war
and did so in near record time
it was in peace the fight went on
and therein lies the crime
Far off in the shifting sands
along deserted dusty roads
barbarians still vented wrath
with improvised explosive loads
Did not most men welcome us
in ridding their country of Hussien
or did they just embrace the chance
of garnering some private gain
Near one hundred years ago
our blood was sent to Flanders' fields
as now it soaks the desert sands
with similar dissappointing yields
Now we leave this land of hate
and hope in ernest for the best
so too many native sons
can sleep a peaceful rest
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ian.T
Sun, 2012-01-08 04:24
Stan
Have read this a couple of times, can't put my finger on it but part of you is missing from this write, I will wait for others to comment, meanwhile I have sent you a PM about the words.
Have a great day out there, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
scribbler
Sun, 2012-01-08 14:10
hello
I know this is pretty rough but thought I needed to start Somewhere in giving tribute to those we left in Iraq.......It will be edited many times.......stan
scribbler
Sun, 2012-01-08 17:10
hi lonnie
Thanks. I guess this seed will eventually be cultivated into a fitting tribute over time. Thanks for the visit......stan