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Being Sure
She always says "I love you Button."
I sometimes say "You’re like the end of a good day."
She often smiles when I say this and asks,
“Which parts though? I like to know,
so I can be sure of what I did right."
And I can't stop telling her about all of them.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2023-08-08 11:15
I understand...
the meaning of the poem, but if you say, "You're like the end of a good day, shouldn't she ask, which one? I would say that "You are like a great day." Then the question of which part would make more sense. I love the sentiment. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Michael Anthony
Tue, 2023-08-08 11:24
Thanks Geez! This was
Thanks Geez! This was inspired by actual converstaions, so I wrote what she asked. The thought being there have been many good days together, rather than any specific one. I was trying to convey how one feels at the end of a good day filled with many parts. I think I mostly got there, but...
Cheers
Michael Anthony
Geezer
Tue, 2023-08-08 11:32
I often...
write of actual conversations and incidents, but where they are at odds with a particular piece, part or thing, I can change it to make sense without any feeling of betrayal of the moment. It is still just as valid and more so, because I really get the point across, without having to explain it. Like I said, I love the sentiment. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Michael Anthony
Tue, 2023-08-08 12:05
I hear you about changing the
I hear you about changing the wording to clarify a thought or a moment in a poem, and have done so often. We'll agree to disagree then about there being something at odds with this piece. Clearly, the sentiment comes across, despite style preferences - thanks geez!
Best
Michael Anthony
Geezer
Wed, 2023-08-09 11:52
You know what?...
After going back to read this for the nth time, I discovered that I was wrong. I misread it. My bad! It makes much better sense, the way you wrote it.! ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lavender
Tue, 2023-08-08 16:37
Being Sure
Hello, Michael,
Sometimes poetry is about what it triggers with the reader. For me, this is about all the good parts blended into a simple, wonderful affirmation. Perfect title.
Thank you,
L
Triskelion
Wed, 2023-08-09 02:00
I appreciated
..the entire sentiment. It reminded me of something in my life also...not word for word, but it brought me back to maybe a thousand years ago, or maybe it was yesterday. The last line was too perfect and sometimes, expression needs no title.
I don't think much would make it better. Its brevity is its strength.
Thomas
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...so like my lost dreams...the flood