Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The Poem

Submitted by mark on Fri, 2023-06-16 08:43

It takes so long to let her live.
Her death is my hell,
it is all done well.
She's innocent unaware,
pushed with most care.

For weeks I sat and thought of her.
The words I wrote for her do say;
A love through night and work through day.
For me she lives a lonely way.

Each line a part sought,
each word carefully brought.
Worked and re-worked,
she’s about thought and re-thought,
doubt and re-doubt.
When brought to a whole
she’s part of my soul.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week June11th to June 17th 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Fri, 2023-06-16 14:43

neopoet's picture
Volunteer badge

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: The Poem

Feedback:

1. Structure and Form: The poem appears to be a free verse with no consistent rhyme scheme or meter. To create a more cohesive structure, consider implementing a consistent rhyme scheme or meter throughout the poem. This can help to establish a rhythm and make the poem more engaging for the reader.

2. Imagery and Language: The poem uses some strong imagery, such as "Her death is my hell," which evokes a sense of loss and despair. To strengthen the poem further, consider incorporating more vivid and concrete imagery to help the reader visualize the emotions and experiences described.

3. Theme and Message: The poem seems to explore themes of love, loss, and the creative process. To make the message more clear and impactful, consider focusing on a specific aspect of these themes and developing it throughout the poem. This can help to create a more cohesive narrative and allow the reader to better understand the emotions and experiences being conveyed.

4. Clarity and Ambiguity: Some lines in the poem are somewhat ambiguous, such as "She's innocent unaware, pushed with most care." To improve the poem's clarity, consider revising these lines to more clearly convey the intended meaning. This can help the reader to better understand and connect with the poem's message.

5. Punctuation and Capitalization: The poem's punctuation and capitalization are inconsistent, which can make it difficult for the reader to follow the intended rhythm and meaning. Consider revising the poem to ensure that punctuation and capitalization are used consistently and effectively. This can help to improve the poem's overall readability and impact.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Seren

Fri, 2023-06-16 09:48

Seren's picture

This is one of your best, I wouldn't change a word. But that's just me!

I am awestruck it's like you're showing us a part of your soul.

I say Brava!!!

and Wow!!!

Hugs

Jayne

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Triskelion

Fri, 2023-06-16 10:06

Triskelion's picture
Volunteer badge

...but there is a Marked difference in this one compared to your usual work!

Cheers!

Thomas

.
.

...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Geezer

Fri, 2023-06-16 12:50

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

every day. Love has its' own onus! Yours shows bright. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

RoseBlack

Fri, 2023-06-16 16:00

RoseBlack's picture
Volunteer badge

I agree that I wouldn't change a thing! Writing tends to bare our souls and you have done an excellent job here.

~RoseBlack~

Seren

Sat, 2023-06-17 11:05

Seren's picture

Just letting you know I was here, again lol

I cant wait for the next one this is a cracking good poem as good as any I've read recently.

Bravo!

Hugs

Jayne

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.