The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

/5

This poem seems to lack a clear focus or message. The imagery and language are vague, leaving the reader unsure of what the speaker is trying to convey. The line "waiting in bed trying to cough up a line" feels out of place and doesn't add much to the overall poem. The use of "mental spittle" is interesting, but it's unclear what it's meant to represent. The shift from seeking truths to losing it also feels abrupt and disconnected. The final line, while attempting to tie things together, feels forced and doesn't quite hit the mark.

Suggested line edit: Consider revising "waiting in bed trying to cough up a line" to "lying awake, searching for words to define." This line is more concise and conveys the same idea in a clearer way.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

to get here first. I think it sounds like a rapper's prayer;
easily followed and the words are simple, but strong.
There is hidden near-rhyme here with:

"The world rolls around
one more [time]
waiting in bed [trying] - the I sound is very silmilar
to cough up a [line]

I see the author as knowing that they are having problems
in keeping it together, and maybe asking God for help.
A good use of rhyme and the pace is fast enough to make up for the lack of
meter in places. I'm not sure that it needs much work. Maybe if you want
to tighten up the meter, it would improve the flow some.

You could shorten the line:
"safe passage may appear" [to safe paths may appear]
and that would help match the "so lend me your ear"

Try: [I'm lost, little by little] bringing the whole passage to:

So lend me your ear
I'm lost little by little
safe paths may appear
with heaven's acquittal

As always, the advice is free. Use it as, twist it to your liking, or abuse it, [trash it].
~ Geezer.
.