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Counting Stars
Walk beside my tranquil longing
Lead me headlong into bliss
Cloak despair with secret smiles
Quantify me with your kiss
Wanting hands trace supple form
As witnessed by a twinkling sky
A countless audience of lights
Ever watching you and I
We court forever’s influence
Inviting her to mentor us
It’s patience that she tutors
‘Til every dagger turns to rust
Count the stars with me this night
From now until the end of time
Perchance the clouds obscure their view
Above the veil we’ll have to climb
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
For my Valentine.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
RoseBlack
Mon, 2023-02-13 18:21
This whole thing
gave me goosebumps. My favorite stanza:
We court forever’s influence
Inviting her to mentor us
It’s patience that she tutors
‘Til every dagger turns to rust
Shivers....well done!
~RoseBlack~
Rosewood Apothecary
Mon, 2023-02-13 19:18
Smiles
I love that one too. Thanks for reading.
Tim
Seren
Mon, 2023-02-13 20:06
Dear Tim
Sigh
To have a love like this is truly inspiring, Your poem is a song of love sung with a gravely voice that catches the breath and steals the hearts of those who live without love.
Bellissimo
Hugs Jayne xox
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Geezer
Tue, 2023-02-14 00:25
'Till every dagger...
turns to rust. My favorite lines! Too!
~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lavender
Tue, 2023-02-14 14:48
Counting Stars
Hi, Tim,
"Count the stars with me tonight
from now until the end of time."
Who could want more? Happy Valentine's Day.
L
Jackweb
Tue, 2023-02-14 15:50
Wow
Nothing more to say. This is beautifully crafted piece.
Well done!
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb