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Counting Stars

Submitted by Rosewood Apothecary on Mon, 2023-02-13 17:11

Walk beside my tranquil longing
Lead me headlong into bliss
Cloak despair with secret smiles
Quantify me with your kiss

Wanting hands trace supple form
As witnessed by a twinkling sky
A countless audience of lights
Ever watching you and I

We court forever’s influence
Inviting her to mentor us
It’s patience that she tutors
‘Til every dagger turns to rust

Count the stars with me this night
From now until the end of time
Perchance the clouds obscure their view
Above the veil we’ll have to climb

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
For my Valentine.
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

RoseBlack

Mon, 2023-02-13 18:21

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gave me goosebumps. My favorite stanza:

We court forever’s influence
Inviting her to mentor us
It’s patience that she tutors
‘Til every dagger turns to rust

Shivers....well done!

~RoseBlack~

Rosewood Apothecary

Mon, 2023-02-13 19:18

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I love that one too. Thanks for reading.

Tim

author comment

Seren

Mon, 2023-02-13 20:06

Seren's picture

Sigh

To have a love like this is truly inspiring, Your poem is a song of love sung with a gravely voice that catches the breath and steals the hearts of those who live without love.

Bellissimo

Hugs Jayne xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Geezer

Tue, 2023-02-14 00:25

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turns to rust. My favorite lines! Too!
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Lavender

Tue, 2023-02-14 14:48

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Hi, Tim,
"Count the stars with me tonight
from now until the end of time."
Who could want more? Happy Valentine's Day.
L

Jackweb

Tue, 2023-02-14 15:50

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Nothing more to say. This is beautifully crafted piece.
Well done!
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

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