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VOL DE NUIT rewritten
.
VOL DE NUIT
sudden silences, different paths,
forsaken friendships of the past,
parallel lines intersecting
for a while,
feeding lies , faking words
faking smiles
abrupt endings
night flight to tangential lives
as we live so we die
alone
no one left to cry
Editing stage:
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Comments
wesley snow
Thu, 2015-12-31 16:42
I feel you did not finish your last words.
They are as important as the poetry itself as it shines light on who you are.
The poem is poignant.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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Geremia
Thu, 2015-12-31 17:14
thanks./I will work on it.
thanks./I will work on it.
jor
Geezer
Thu, 2015-12-31 22:57
Usually...
I ask a poet, if they might find a way, to shorten the lines, but in this case, I kind of agree with Wes.
I'd like to see a more elegant, descriptive wording. I see the finality and the end of the poem. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Geremia
Fri, 2016-01-01 09:25
ok I'll work on it. Thanks,
ok I'll work on it. Thanks,