Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Umbilical Severed
Sleep now my shadow
Moonless must be
This night became lost in
Your dark misery
Searching for signals
Without eyes to see
Looking regardless
So frantically
Umbilical severed
No tether to you
Words hold no meaning
This promise untrue
One ego, careless
Morality flew
Two hearts now broken
Mended with glue
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Region & Country
U.S.A.
Favorite Poets
Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Walt Whitman. I’m enamored by the work of lyricists such as Robert Hunter, John Barlow, John Dyer Baizley, and Tom Marshall just to name a handful.
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
Geezer
Fri, 2023-06-16 00:34
This is...
a sad piece, one that makes me think of failure to consider the pitfalls of thinking only of ourselves. You have done a good job of portraying the broken heart and the mending with glue of promises that will be suspect. Nice job on a sorry subject.
~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Triskelion
Fri, 2023-06-16 09:28
I liked
...your vocabulary most in this piece and the rhythm and rhyme is a close second. You carried the theme well throughout and I was happy to see healing at the end.
I do not like the title at all, but that's strictly my opinion. I think there are more relatable words to use there with less...hhrrrm.. gore?(maybe that's a little strong). I was thinking like "apron strings" for a title as the poem seems to portray the relationship between parent and child, rather than parent and newborn.
Be safe out there!
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
Entend2u
Fri, 2023-06-16 09:33
The glue will melt in your tears
To me this poem is an admission that your relationship has had its day - it is a sad recognition that all that was warm and intimate has drained away and you are resigned to that emptiness that must come when love dies or is dying. I really appreciate poems that make a simple statement in an uncluttered way and your poem does that for me. In fact the more I read it the more I remember what it was like for me (more than once) - To me, the most tackiest of glue is when one says to the other "we can still be friends". It will never be the same - why cling on?
I don't expect that you will change a word but if I had written this (and coming from me that statement - "if I had written this" is in itself great praise - sorry if that sounds a bit weird) my last two lines would read
"Two hearts now broken - unmended by glue".
Unca Fez
Fri, 2023-06-16 15:59
Tis True. A Very Sad Tale
The poem speaks to the loss of trust that occurs when one of the people in the relationship has lied significantly. Trust is earned and, when it is lost, is very hard to recover. At best, the glue is just flour and water paste. Very fragile. To become something stronger will take a great deal of time.
Great poem!
Thanx,
Steve
Candlewitch
Fri, 2023-06-16 16:01
dear Tim,
it is obvious to me that you are a n exceptional story teller! it appears that it comes easy for you, with your musical ear and empathetic heart. one of the many reasons you are loved.
*with hugs too, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.