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The Truth For Us All
The truth?
He was on the run from the Queen of hearts.
He was cursed by Queen Grimhilde.
If he didn’t, Maleficent would come and…
Dr. Facilier would send
Black slithering creatures, with red eyes
For us all!
The truth?
Lady Tremaine spelled him to marry her,
Ratcliffe promised him gold on a voyage
To Never– land
Jafar guaranteed him three wishes
And mercy from Claude Frollo,
For us all!
The truth?
He protects me with his absence
In the way two-faced Hans would save me
From turning to Mor’du, the beast
Mother Gothel would shelter me in a tower,
While Gaston kills the beast
For us all!
The truth?
Waitresses can be princesses with one kiss.
Dragons make small fascinating red pets.
Fairy god mothers watch fashion police.
My favorite trumpeter, the crocodile plays
As that power-crazed half octopus sings
For us all!
The truth?
When he comes around,
I won’t let down my hair
If he locks me at the top of a castle.
I’ll wield a sword,
Dress in men’s garb, and go to war
For us all!
The truth?
If he employs a witch,
I’ll rub a lamp.
I’ll turn him into a bear.
No, I won’t stay in a cave with him
I’ll let the hunters hack him;
For us all.
The truth?
Rumpelstiltskin had his heart from the start.
My sleeping spell broke.
That moment he walked away.
I threw the other glass slipper
When I knew he wasn’t coming back
For us all!
The truth?
What red horned creature
Possessed a man
That made him?
Made him a fool. To walk away
From two children. To walk away
From us all?
Tee M. Allison
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
I can give you an idea of what i meant with all the Disney villains i used, but I'd like to know how others would interpret a poem like this. It's easier to interpret the poem if you know the characters from the various Disney movies.
Editing stage:
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Comments
themoonman
Wed, 2016-11-30 21:34
Hi Tee,
It seems you are referring to
a man, perhaps a two-timing one
that leaves, although I'm not sure.
Using disney villains is a cool idea,
not sure it promotes a serious subject
all that well though, but it could be me.
I do like your style, a vibrancy that cannot
be hidden ... thanks.
Richard
Tee M. Allison
Wed, 2016-11-30 22:25
Hi Richard
Yeah, I used Disney villains in poem because in the case of the poem, the child is trying to find out why her father abandoned them. So the first two stanzas, she's making excuses for him. The third stanza was the point of realization where she realizes dragons aren't real, she won't ever be friends with a crocodile and dreams don't come true. The next two stanzas aftetwards were supposed to describe anger and broken dreams. The last stanza was back to the question of what would make the father walk away from her. There is a sliver of hope when she calls him possessed. Almost as though she was making a final excuse for him. One more excuse to help her forgive his absence if he ever returned
author commentalidzain
Thu, 2016-12-01 01:43
Tee
Since you asked my opinion,
If I am the writer of this poem I will entitle it with the main character's name followed by
's Truth" but that's just me.
I think that there is no need to repeat "the truth" at the beginning of each stanza since it is already there in the title. If you want, you can do it in the first stanza. Personally, I would go directly to the story. Sometimes repetition works, sometimes it don't. Not sure about the "for us all" part. Maybe you can find other words to say it without changing the meaning. shortened it to "for all" in one? You have to decide if there is a need for it. Sometimes I used repetition to emphasize a point.
I would start the poem with
"Cursed by Queen Grimhilde,
he was on the run from the Queen of Hearts"
so that I won't repeat "he was..."
I wonder if you are introducing a new character to tie up the other characters together. I would suggest that you limit them from original 2 tales because there are some people who might not know the characters as well even as they do themain characters,( heroes and heroines) so it might be confusing to them.
I'll come back to this later to see if I can offer more suggestions but bear in mind that as the poem's writer it is your call. You decide what is best. I'm just sharing with you my thoughts. They might work for you or they don't . I'm not the expert here. lol.
Alid
Esker
Fri, 2016-12-02 06:05
my kid hates me
ur dead to me...
but loves me
we loved Disney..one cd after another
then the walk about in Town
love of the rail station...mall
for pet shop to see the exotic
animals...the cayman in his
tank..the parrots and one
time the little round bat on
the brickwork of the mall.
my ex and I were fighting a
lot...Love Hate...I know
why bother getting together
and having a kid...it just
happens..Our child..my
daughter was wanted..
I ended up leaving because
we grew up in the middle
of this horrible divorce
with our parents.
and I see that our child
takes after me...
she is an artist..writer..poet
does her own tatoos on
herself with the ink and gun
shes good! better then
me...we argue about this
they were calling here
and I asked them to call
me where I live..
I thought it had something
to do with women politics
cause her mom and her
are so close...
and as much as the women
love me...the issues Im
working through have
me haunted..
I have a sting..but thats
protection...
mom was always breaking
me down..ignoring me
putting me up
good to me...not blaming
her ...she had issues
a lively combative woman
with a mind like a bear trap
her and the ex got along well
so for the moment
my daughter and I are
at the stalemate
fathers are so so so important
to their little girls
that much is driven into me
I left...all the missing years
were of why
not the fighting that was
a horrible mess
we got together a few
times....We tried...
did some painting here
together..hang out...
meals at the diner where
we had one really great
conversation...
not a complete loss
she is entitled to her
anger...
and I feel sad because
she cant remember all
the things we did
together for her age
and I had to live
move out of town
had no money
I always told her I loved
her though....
we were all haunted
though....
above my desk here
is a painting..the
dark witch from Maleficent
and I love Lanas version
of Once Upon A Dream
ur poem is cathartic for
me to read and ponder
life is the true dark fairy
tales I read about
sunshine and the rainy
forest...
Bury the Castle..
thank U!
Mr Wolf!
weirdelf
Sun, 2017-01-01 01:09
This is rather brilliant poetry, Tee
It works perfectly in, excuse the phrase, man-handling myths.
To me the repetition works fine because it is used differently each time.
We seldom get work of such depth and perception here, you are so welcome.
I really look forward to more of your work.
If you are not a fan of Angela Carter I bet you would be if you read her.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Esker
Sat, 2016-12-31 16:29
Ponderances are heavy
this poem is thought prevoking!
and a great one at that!
I do have a daughter...we are speaking again..
I helped raise a few kids..something many selfish
men cannot do and chose not to do..
but I did!
I helped many along the way!
still do...Helped drag an old mommas cart
through the snow today to her car...
Im immaculately dressed...
Im all about the brass/front look
cause thats where Im from!
I hold doors..pick up garbage!!
Empathy rules!
I knew many princesses and queen of
the court now that have evil queens
as mothers!
I outgrew the taste for retribuition
but love poetry that has its say
about what went down!
that is Real
As is this poem!
Thank U! Tee!
Mr Wolf!