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Through Confrontation (Ghosts at 2714 Girard Ave. N.)
There very well should have been a warning sign
outside 2714 Girard Ave North proper, it would be
so germane for every word of my tale, every line
is as true as the colors of the variegated sky.
Living there through four of my growing years
I have the stressful emotional and mental scarring
that accrued with the shedding of many pent up tears
tears of glowering wrath and hopeless piteous pain.
The heart of the house was on the second floor
which was a whole, now subdivided for two families.
The heart being its "cold spot" behind the closet door
Cold pulsing, throbbed, I could see my breath clearly!
He was king of the house, owning every stair and floor
this making him brave, fearless, foolhardy and reckless
He, became a terrible nuisance often, all the more
not always corporeal but following me and listening
Trying to frighten, the air shimmers where he stands
powerfully forceful and driven, dominant and dynamic
Calling up my fortitude and energy of youth, I demand
A low and steady growl escapes my lips, surprising me
Now I know my inner power has manifested and risen
I shall no longer be timid, or set to blindly cower...
Anger becomes my friend, no longer sent to fearful prison
I had reflected and found by grace my inner voice and power...
Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2024-02-03 14:53
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively uses narrative and descriptive language to create a vivid picture of the setting and the emotional journey of the speaker. The use of specific details, like the address and the "cold spot" behind the closet door, adds to the authenticity and believability of the story being told.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of rhythm and meter. The lines vary greatly in length and syllable count, which can disrupt the flow of the poem and make it more difficult for the reader to follow along. Experimenting with a more consistent structure could enhance the overall impact of the poem.
The poem also seems to shift in tone and focus towards the end, with the introduction of the speaker's newfound power and anger. While this could be an effective twist, it feels somewhat abrupt in its current form. Providing more foreshadowing or build-up to this moment could make it feel more earned and impactful.
Finally, the poem could benefit from a more careful use of punctuation. There are several lines that do not end with any punctuation, which can create confusion about where one thought ends and the next begins. Using punctuation more consistently could help to clarify the meaning and improve the flow of the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
Sun, 2024-02-04 11:59
AI,
If it were not for your dour comments, I would have none at all!
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
William Lynn
Sat, 2024-02-24 10:15
Hi Cat.
Hi Cat.
I've already told you that I'm not going anywhere near 2714 Girard Street. However, with that said, I sure enjoyed the poem.
I think 2714 Girard Street would make a good title for the novel you should write. I'd buy it and curse you for writing it every time I re-read it.
Thanks, I think. -Will
Candlewitch
Sun, 2024-02-25 07:11
;)
LOL! thank you, Will!
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.