Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

So Glad to Be with You

Submitted by Bryan on Fri, 2012-05-25 22:21

“Hello, how are you? I’m Emily.”
“Emily, it’s Bill. I’m so glad to be with you.”
That said we go for a walk.
Wind our way through the town, we
were born here, married, raised children.
Strolling past the cemetery holding our parents,
Emily comments on the lovely statue of St. Michael.

“Hello, how are you? I’m Emily.”
“Emily, it’s Bill. I’m so glad to be with you.”
That said we go for a walk.
Sitting on the bench under the elm tree
looking across to the playground where we
watched our children grow and learn cooperation,
Emily comments on the stately statue of George Washington.

“Hello, how are you? I’m Emily.”
“Emily, it’s Bill. I’m so glad to be with you.”
That said we go for a walk.
Down to the river where we swam as children
sitting on the fallen log where sixty years ago we sat
and I proposed and Emily completed me,
Emily comments on the rustic covered bridge.
And every day with Emily continues to complete me.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

judyanne

Sat, 2012-05-26 08:46

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

this brought a lump to my throat
the emotion is raw in this poem
the repetition so effective, especially the ‘that said we go for a walk’

and that last line, well...
‘and every day with Emily continues to complete me’, although I wonder if, instead of ‘and’, you might consider ‘still’ ?

excellent write
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

phxdreams

Thu, 2012-05-31 23:01

Very powerful write! ..thank you so much for allowing me to read this.

loved

Fri, 2012-06-01 00:31

loved's picture

“Hello, how are you? I’m Emily.”
“Emily, it’s Bill.
I’m so glad to be with you.”
That said we go for a walk....

then throughout our lives
we talk...
both together
now Emily says
You first listen to me..
lovely Emily..

And of course now sweet Bill..
Sure enough better would have been Jill...
hahahahahahha..lololololol

loved

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.