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She's Lost Her head

Submitted by Ruby Lord on Sat, 2023-07-15 05:20

Perseus, upright in the gallery weathered,
Fist holds her head high, writhing snakes.
Cellini poured a life forever tethered,
Cosimo Medici, would not accept mistakes.

The bronze in front of all the others,
Ironic Medusa turns them to stone.
Symbolic warning to Christian brothers,
Rebirth in fire is not Christ’s alone.

Competing for the greatest honour
Smelted bronze, cools to a clot.
The mark of a man and his sponsor,
They are resurrected in metal hot.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
When I have visited Florence in Italy I have seen the bronze of Perseus many times. It is one place in the world I would move to if I could. The statue stands to face a passing audience. Perseus holds Medusa's head above in tirumph. If you want to see the statue without travelling to Italy the picture is here. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perseus_with_the_Head_of_Medusa#/media/File:Persee-florence.jpg
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week July 16 to July 22nd 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2023-07-15 11:20

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem does a commendable job of blending historical, mythological, and artistic references, creating a rich tapestry of images and ideas. The use of Perseus and Medusa from Greek mythology, along with the historical figures of Cellini and Cosimo Medici, provides a robust context for the poem.

However, there are areas where the poem could be improved. The rhythm and meter of the poem are inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow for the reader. For example, the second line is noticeably longer than the first. A more consistent rhythm could enhance the overall reading experience.

Additionally, while the use of historical and mythological references adds depth to the poem, some of these references could be clarified or further developed. For instance, the connection between Perseus, Medusa, and the Christian brothers could be made more explicit. This would help the reader to better understand the intended symbolism and thematic connections.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more vivid and sensory language. While there are some strong images, such as "writhing snakes" and "metal hot," more detailed descriptions could help to bring the scenes and characters to life.

In conclusion, this poem has a strong thematic foundation and makes good use of historical and mythological references. With some adjustments to rhythm, clarity, and descriptive language, it could be further strengthened.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

RoseBlack

Fri, 2023-07-21 04:32

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It sounds like a magnificent site. I am a big fan of Greek mythology. Thank you for sharing the link. Italy is one place I have always wanted to visit. It is on the bucket list. Well done.

~RoseBlack~

Ruby Lord

Fri, 2023-07-21 05:10

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Hi Rose, thank you for stopping by and for your comments. Since I wrote this poem I have my postcard of the statue on my desk where I can look at the incredible form of the sculpture I'm so in awe of this piece of art, I changed my profle picture to my Perseus postcard. :)

We've been to Florence 7 times but not recently. For me, Florence is amazing, there's so much art available even on the streets.
If you get a chance to visit I could give you pointers on where to go and how to get the most out of your visit. It's not a big city, small enough to get around on foot.
Thank you again for reading and commenting on my poem, much appreciated, Ruby :)

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

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