Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

seeping devotion

Submitted by zuella on Wed, 2024-05-01 04:14

Love love love
All my problems spawn from it
My troubles, pains and fears
Love is the denominator
To love a dominator
Is to weep without tears
“You do it to yourself”
Blah blah.. shudder
A fleeting glance
A playful smirk
And my heart begins to flutter
All it takes is to pave the cracks
The fracture thats been there all my life
In my core, pumping out poisoned blood
Blood I can’t let with a knife
Why choose to love still?
You ask
Why should I try?
Because love is who I am
Im just lone without it
It exudes from the wounds in my soul
And starts batting my eyes

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
i dont know why i love so hard, through every heartbreak, im so full of it, its fundamentally all i can be
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Wed, 2024-05-01 10:20

neopoet's picture
Volunteer badge

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "seeping devotion" explores the theme of love and its complexities. The repetition of "love love love" at the beginning creates a strong emphasis on the concept, setting the tone for the rest of the poem. The imagery of problems, troubles, pains, and fears stemming from love is vivid and relatable, capturing the idea of love as both a source of joy and suffering.

The use of metaphors such as "To love a dominator is to weep without tears" and "pumping out poisoned blood" adds depth to the poem, conveying the conflicting emotions and internal struggles associated with love. The line "Why choose to love still? Why should I try?" raises thought-provoking questions about the nature of love and its significance in the speaker's life.

However, there are areas where the poem could be strengthened. Consider refining the structure and flow of the poem to enhance its coherence and impact. Pay attention to the consistency of imagery and metaphors throughout the piece to

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.