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It’s not me, it’s you

Submitted by zuella on Fri, 2024-03-22 09:10

It’s finally over
Not even a long run
My tears trickle slower
All into one

I couldn’t help my desire
My desire for you
My cravings were dire
And nothing but true

So I turn to my pen
And I turn to my pad
Cause they’re here for me when
When everything’s sad

Tho they couldn’t stop the tears,
they could stop the agony
But they helped drag my fears
Back from that balcony

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I was bullied by myself into beliveing the love I deserve is this. I like this one a lot, I hope everyone who reads it does too!
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
03/24 I Was Bullied
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Fri, 2024-03-22 15:10

neopoet's picture
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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem effectively conveys a sense of heartbreak and seeking solace in writing. The use of imagery like tears trickling slower and turning to a pen and pad for comfort adds depth to the emotions expressed. Consider exploring more vivid descriptions or specific details to enhance the reader's connection to the speaker's experience. Additionally, paying attention to the flow and rhythm of the poem could further strengthen its impact on the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

Mon, 2024-03-25 07:25

Candlewitch's picture
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you must be nicer to yourself, for you deserve love and happiness as much as anyone! I love the poem, and I "get" it!

*hugs, Cat

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zuella

Mon, 2024-03-25 17:28

zuella's picture

Thanks candlewitch, I’m glad someone gets it. Have a great day! Thank youuuu!!

-zuella

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