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S U R R O G A T E D E V I A T I O N

Submitted by Esker on Wed, 2012-02-08 14:31

caught me in your swell
the sweet perfume of orbit
how you swayed me
the fire gleaning
like ships ablaze
sinking suns
with powder guns

glitterbeing slit
this aperature
translation

fire off salvos
of love lust and
taste the rounds
of hate catching
bare hearted
ruins

You walked barefoot
with naked seas
to find me

how undressed
I am
naked neath
these waters
drowned

excstatic
and alive

(For P)

Last few words: 
From "W"
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Esker

Wed, 2012-02-08 19:38

Esker's picture

I mean death drowned lost in the dream of the pipe bottle or just vision hearing
some sense we wander daring looking for more
Makes us human
isnt that journey that first step that first breath and last special and meaningful

I think so! I think so a lot!!

author comment

Geezer

Thu, 2012-02-09 13:08

Geezer's picture
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as usual! I loved the rawness and sensuality of it.

1] I think you meant to say [gleaming] not gleaning, which means to; [collect the remains of]
2] Ecstatic doesn't need an "x".

~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Esker

Fri, 2012-02-10 10:49

Esker's picture

In this sense of the poetry writing
I used that word
because Fire draws people or like to animals
is a threat.. people too
and to collect things
Fire is used as a tool in many mythologies
cults religions

think of the votive candles to collect prayers
hopes despair love faith lost ones the hurt
etc etc etc

people burn their posessions to rid themselves
of emotional spirituality

but Gleaming would be good too but I went
much deeper with it with that word
"Gleaming" would allow the reader to admire
or think about dreaming myth thoughts
like watching a fire on a beach at dusk
or dawn

I admire that you have such a quick and
easy technical and feeling review of my poems
Geezer
and thank you for the comment on this!

author comment

Nordic cloud

Fri, 2012-02-10 11:36

Nordic cloud's picture

Sweet perfume of orbit-I swirl in tact with you.
Ships -set afloat the funeral pyre of the gods
sinking suns -like hell
naked seas -a strong incentive to the imagination
deep - with blurred eyes you lie there at the bottom of the sea, alive;
a vision of out-of--focus patterns like the weeds beside you.

A painting of a poem Steven. LuvAnn.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Esker

Fri, 2012-02-10 13:59

Esker's picture

or the fifties crowds chatting in the coffee houses of cities
we can do it here
our "electronic village" like Marshal Macluhlan wrote
of the professor the Univercity of Toronto in the sixties.

I like you poetry answers very much Ann
Thank You

author comment

pleiades

Fri, 2012-02-10 19:11

your ending is exquisite

i am in complete admiration at how you take
the everyday and not so everyday words, and use
them in such a way as to elevate them beyond the norm

ann is spot-on...this is painting drawn with words...
then again, so much of your work is

you are a cross-over artist
your skill with drawing seeps into your written work, and
your skill with the pen seeps into your drawings...

"glitterbeing slit"...who would ever think to use
such a phrase?
and who would believe it could work?
only you dear poet, have the mind to come up
with such a phrase, and only you could make it work...
i'm not pissing in your pocket (as we so charmingly say here)
by saying that...it's simply true...you can get away with grammatical
anomalies as no other can, because the depth, scope, and poetical
beauty of your pen over-rides the "rules"...you are that good

i have read this over and over w...it is beautiful

i have no more fitting word to describe it...it is beautiful

I'm just a junk-yard dog, you once said ~
a dog who dreams of being a wolf
guarding wreckage,
glinting
under the moon

i take this to my heart

evermore,
your m

Nordic cloud

Sat, 2012-02-11 08:35

Nordic cloud's picture

Oh Pleaides and how you replied to this,
what a most wonderful comment
and every word I agree with bar the pissing link!

A junk yard dog, that sounds like something I would like.

Ann inthewarm

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

pleiades

Sat, 2012-02-11 21:49

"...not pissing in your pocket"...a saying here in oz,
basically meaning, "i'm not lying"

you hit the nail on its head ann...e paints his poetry

"Ann inthewarm"...
may you stay warm

cheers
p

Esker

Fri, 2012-02-10 21:29

Esker's picture

how sure this world unbecomes
and yet we hold fast to our
dearness
the nearness
that churns and thrusts
its insistance like an addiction
You are my drug
like water swerving about
not through the wakes
that hearbeats make

Your ever Wolfie

~

author comment

Esker

Sat, 2012-02-11 02:41

Esker's picture

glittering like a dark ethereal being
like swimming underwater
beneath the form
svelte patterns

waves

mermaiden flow

author comment

Esker

Thu, 2012-02-16 20:12

Esker's picture

Im bleeding in the rain
your laughing and Im running
pink reciever to my ear
feeling that hitch of fear
that you'll ditch me
when our magic is yesterday

we crumble with each drop
rising up in the downpower
these ghosts we've been

author comment
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