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Puppy Trouble

Submitted by Michael Anthony on Fri, 2024-03-01 21:23

Our little fella, with his prancing gait,
trots down the hall. His feet sounding
a slap, slap, slap on the carpet
he was chewing on a moment ago.

He looks up at me with all the cuteness
the universe could possibly bestow on him
with a brief and curious look – ears at attention!

I smile back at him, to thank him for his youthful joy.
Given to us with no expectation. And certainly,
no guile. Well, maybe just a whisper of canine chicanery
when it comes to treats. We have, as of yet,
not found the ability to fault him for this.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Weekly 02/25/24 to 03/02/24
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2024-03-02 03:23

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Puppy Trouble" presents a clear and vivid image of a playful puppy, which is a relatable subject for many readers. The use of onomatopoeia in "slap, slap, slap" effectively conveys the sound of the puppy's feet on the carpet, adding an auditory dimension to the visual imagery.

However, the poem could benefit from more consistent use of meter and rhyme. The lines vary in length and rhythm, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. Consider revising to establish a more consistent rhythm, which can enhance the musicality of the poem and make it more engaging to read.

The phrase "with all the cuteness the universe could possibly bestow on him" is a bit lengthy and could be made more concise. Consider revising for brevity and clarity, which can make the poem more impactful.

The last line, "not found the ability to fault him for this," is somewhat confusing. It's unclear what "this" refers to, and the phrase "not found the ability to fault him" is somewhat awkward. Consider revising for clarity and simplicity.

Overall, the poem effectively conveys the playful and endearing nature of a puppy, but could benefit from revisions to improve the rhythm, clarity, and conciseness.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Fri, 2024-03-01 21:45

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Hello, Michael,
Oh, my gosh - how joyful! Nothing, nothing like a puppy! Great imagery.
Have fun with your new little tyke!
Thank you for the cheer!
L

Geezer

Sat, 2024-03-02 18:38

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I remember those days well. Happy puppy-day, and many more! ~Geez.
.

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