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Pomme

Submitted by Esker on Sun, 2012-09-02 20:49

the red fierce bride
by her tigers side

longing flesh bitten forbidden

she comes astride
the bold arch
the rivers pride

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Mon, 2012-09-03 00:44

Geezer's picture
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really great poem written in very few words! I do wish that you had kept to the pattern with the last three lines.
Nonetheless, you have generated a vivid picture for me! ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Esker

Mon, 2012-09-03 01:11

Esker's picture

Thinking of Asiatic tigers
the bamboo wall
and how they can meld themselves
in camo

the great river of force driven by numbers
and will

the internet forbidden
the arch the new technology embrace
an arch a bridge of traffic

for intelligencia and skilled ones to train
the numbers willing in force creating
machines

Rivers in the morning
when most awake to cook
prepare for day
the rivers full of the hot sun
reflection

I agree that if I had left it to the two
line mystery it would have been
more... I carried over my usual
free form

endings are the most difficult thing
for me....I lapse for a full minute
sometimes before coming up
with something and I delete a lot
..
driving did this for me
always on the look out for things
flipping so fast
or reading fast too
because my anxiety sometimes
makes me just want to run screaming
away..if I keep moving Im okay
but if I stop in a line up Im having a
bad moment or two

but again always checking out the place
Scoping my old hustler friends called it

thanks

author comment

Valyrianne

Mon, 2012-09-03 15:52

Valyrianne's picture

booming exchange
in darkest night
where she remembers
in darkest forests
you were once villain
and now her hero
speaking of forbidden
she winks, shy smiles
devilish eyes
you raise your head
and purr...

May seems strange I know, but after having read so many of your works that I can not count...I am blown away and thoroughly inspired as anyone should be...

Val

Esker

Mon, 2012-09-03 20:38

Esker's picture

tigers and leopards

show me your stripes
I shall caress your spots
where darkness growls
where the flash snarls

bare the bone
feel muscle
the thick snare of sinew

the flick of tail like an impatient lash

is it the top hat
the cane blade
the cape of words
that flow
and melt against the shiver
and heat of summers
dying breath

before autumn wells up
and rushs her crimson
tide
choking away the ghosts
of summer caught slumbering
the net of stars
glaring and large
on the lampblack patina
of midnights lair

they fight
the villan and the hero
for her

she catchs claws and snarls
nursing wounds and bruises
with flashing looks

the whiplash intellect hook
the tremble of the sickness
like the poison on the pain

strange as it is
may as it shall

...thank u........V a l ...........

author comment
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