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A perfect poem
A perfect poem
Precious in its language use and flamboyant
Earthy it grounds me to the fluffy fertile soils
Reeking pleasantly the airs of joy, I am spoilt
For every word is a hiss of moist,
Edging towards point where my heart is oil
Creeps in my juggling bones, a spiraling cold
To this wonderful piece, I am owned, I am sold
Priss to describe this joint,
Oke that mends my soul,
Ever be my toned
Mesmerizing wonderful milestone
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2024-05-17 19:40
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "A Perfect Poem" demonstrates a strong command of language and a keen sense of rhythm, which is commendable. However, there are several areas that could benefit from further refinement.
First, the poem's imagery is at times unclear. For example, "every word is a hiss of moist" and "my heart is oil" are metaphors that could be more effectively developed. It might be helpful to consider what specific emotions or experiences these images are meant to convey and then work to make those connections more explicit.
Second, the poem's structure is somewhat inconsistent. The first stanza follows an acrostic pattern, with the first letter of each line spelling out "A Perfect". However, this pattern is not continued in the second stanza. If the acrostic pattern is intentional, it might be worth considering how to maintain this structure throughout the entire poem.
Lastly, the language usage in the second stanza is somewhat confusing. Phrases like "priss to describe this joint" and "oke that mends my soul" are difficult to interpret. It might be beneficial to clarify these lines or replace them with more straightforward language.
Overall, the poem shows promise and with some revisions, it could be made even stronger.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
tyro
Fri, 2024-05-17 16:06
I like it, the images and
I like it, the images and metaphors are present throughout the poem. The last line is quite powerful it gives an acceleration of emotion on which to end, and is also pleasant to the ear.
only , the word fluffy kept distracting me, and I wondered if it was appropriate
Tyro
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
Amo
Sat, 2024-05-18 09:14
Thanks Tyro
I am delighted to receive such positive feedback from a fellow poet. Every poem is a step closer to perfection and mastery. Thanks for the feedback
author commentGeezer
Sat, 2024-05-18 09:49
Just a couple things...
to consider. You might want to add a few commas to this.
Earthy, it grounds me...
fluffy, fertile...
point, where...
pleasantly, the airs of...
Mesmerizing, wonderful...
I would delete the [d] at the end of tone[d]
and maybe instead of using [spoilt], you might say spoiled;
as the [d] sound at the end of the word is slightly softer than the [t] and carries the rhyme a bit better.
I like it! ~ Geezer.
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