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Oxygen Mask

I wish I could write
about everything I see
the same way I write
about pain and love and fear.

Maybe with practice, it’ll come to me
as easy as the air I breathe.
But for now, I have to wear an oxygen mask.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Oxygen Mask" employs a metaphor to convey a struggle with expression. The speaker's desire to write about a broader range of topics is evident, but they find it challenging to do so. The use of the oxygen mask as a metaphor is effective in illustrating the speaker's current state of constraint.

However, the poem could benefit from more specific imagery. While the metaphor of the oxygen mask is compelling, it would be beneficial to provide more context or examples of the "everything" the speaker wishes to write about. This would give the reader a clearer understanding of the speaker's struggle and aspirations.

Additionally, the poem's rhythm could be improved. The lines vary in length and syllabic count, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. Experimenting with a more consistent rhythm or structure could enhance the poem's overall impact.

Lastly, the poem could explore the metaphor more deeply. For instance, it could delve into the implications of needing an oxygen mask, such as feelings of suffocation or dependency, to add more depth to the speaker's struggle. This would also create more emotional resonance with the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to

Hello, Kristen,
I like this very much. It gives me a melancholy feeling. The struggle in writing something a little less dramatic or intense than the most popular poetry subjects. Or perhaps this is more about the hope of having less intense drama in one's life to write about. Either way, I like the brevity, the metaphor, and the direct language and feel to this.
Thank you!

very much for your feedback, Lavender!

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