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My stomach turns
At the memory of loving you

I mistook the pain
For butterflies

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Mistakes" presents a clear, concise, and emotionally resonant narrative. It effectively uses metaphor and imagery to convey the speaker's emotional state and experiences.

The first two lines set the scene and introduce the emotional context. They effectively establish a sense of regret and discomfort. However, the use of the phrase "my stomach turns" could be considered a bit cliché. Exploring more unique or unexpected ways to convey this feeling could enhance the poem's impact.

The second half of the poem introduces a compelling metaphor: mistaking pain for butterflies. This is a powerful image that effectively communicates the speaker's past naivety and the emotional pain they experienced. However, the transition between the two parts of the poem could be smoother. The abrupt shift from the physical sensation of the stomach turning to the metaphorical butterflies might be jarring for some readers.

The poem could also benefit from more development. While its brevity is one of its strengths, providing more context or exploring the speaker's emotions in more depth could make it even more impactful. For example, the poem could delve into why the speaker mistook pain for butterflies or how they came to realize their mistake.

Overall, the poem is a strong piece of work with a clear emotional core. With some refinement and development, it could be even more powerful.

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Those first butterflies... beware!

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I think "butterflies" are simply a body's response to anxiety. Thanks for commenting, Mark!

author comment

That hide the red flags from our eyes. I get nauseated thinking about some of my past relationships and wonder where my head was at. That being said, we are human and naturally crave love, affection and acceptance even if it comes from the wrong places. Short yet powerful. Well done


I can't even comprehend what I was thinking back in the day... or even recent days... somehow it always comes from the wrong places. Thanks for commenting!

author comment
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