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Out of season

Through dank-clouded moorlands lost in a fret
we covered the miles on this our last drive
to a seaside haven harried and wet.
Its greying guest houses scarcely alive,
peeling amusement parks closing at five.
An iron-dark sea enraged by a storm,
kids huddling in bus shelters hardly warm,
sea gulls bedraggled and damp as they dozed.
Joyful in summer what winter transforms,
despite what it promised, Minehead felt closed.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.


The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Out of Season" effectively employs vivid imagery and a consistent rhyme scheme to convey the bleakness of a seaside town in winter. The use of descriptive language, such as "dank-clouded moorlands" and "iron-dark sea enraged by a storm," paints a vivid picture of the setting and evokes a sense of desolation and gloom.

However, the poem could benefit from a more varied rhythm to avoid a monotonous reading experience. The consistent iambic pentameter, while traditionally respected, might be broken up occasionally to create a more dynamic flow.

The last line, "despite what it promised, Minehead felt closed," is a strong ending that encapsulates the theme of the poem. However, the previous lines do not build up to this disappointment. To enhance the impact of the ending, consider adding hints of the speaker's initial expectations of Minehead earlier in the poem.

The poem could also benefit from exploring the emotional response of the speaker to the desolate scene. While the imagery is strong, the poem does not delve into how the speaker feels about the scene, which could add another layer of depth to the work.

Lastly, while the poem uses a variety of descriptive language, some phrases, such as "harried and wet" and "hardly warm," could be more specific or original to create a stronger impression on the reader. Consider experimenting with less common or more evocative words to describe the scene.

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It is nice to meet you. Welcome to Neopoet. Your poem delivers the gloom of the off season. Where the ghosts of laughter linger on the breeze! Good job!

*hugs, Cat

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author comment

Hi Eleri, I liked your poem and your rhyme scheme was really good, well done.
Minehead, always feels as if it's closed, which is a shame. I haven't been there for years.
Your descriptions are accurate and took me right back there.
Well done, Ruby :)

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

Thanks for your comments and I'm glad you liked the poem. I have only been there that once. Maybe I should back again in high season to see what it is like.

author comment

It's like every seaside place and with age I've grown jaded, :) Ruby x

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

I live on the south coast and while not all the seaside towns are like that, most certainly are. Alex

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