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The fall

Sunlight sparkling on wet leaves and mud
in the chill ache of a December day,
cycling hard to catch you up
I slipped and fell.

My elbow smacked the ground. I heard its bang
but on rising realised only damp
caked on soil and gravel covered
my smarting side.

There was no break, just grazes, dirt and deep
shame that balance had deserted me
along the way.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Fall" demonstrates a clear narrative and uses vivid imagery to convey a sense of physical and emotional experience. The use of sensory details such as "Sunlight sparkling on wet leaves and mud" and "My elbow smacked the ground" effectively immerses the reader in the scene and allows them to empathize with the speaker's situation.

However, the poem could benefit from more exploration of the emotional impact of the fall. The final line "shame that balance had deserted me along the way" introduces a deeper emotional layer to the poem, but this could be developed further. The poem might explore more fully the implications of this loss of balance, perhaps using it as a metaphor for other aspects of the speaker's life or emotional state.

The rhythm and flow of the poem could also be improved. Some lines are significantly longer than others, which can disrupt the rhythm when reading. Consider revising the poem to create a more consistent rhythm, which can enhance the overall reading experience.

Lastly, the poem might benefit from more varied language. For example, the word "fell" is used in both the title and the body of the poem. Consider using synonyms or other forms of language to avoid repetition and add more depth to the poem.

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Hello, Eleri,
If this really happened, I hope you are ok! There is a simplicity to this that somehow helps the reader (at least, me) dive deeper into its content. I love the image of "catching up" - there is a determination there that gives the narrator character. I felt the fall, especially in the sound of the elbow hitting the ground. I feel the harsh realization of the fall in the final stanza - from your poem and from my own experiences!
Thank you!

Thanks for your comments. It did happen and I still have the grazes. That is what you get for cycling in the winter mush.

author comment

This could have been a much more traumatic experience. it sounds like pride took it on the chin! I was wondering, was it a bicycle or a motorcycle? either can be deadly in the rain! excellent write.

*good wishes, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thanks for your kind comments. It was a bicycle although I have fallen off a motorbike in the past on black ice so I do know what you mean.

author comment
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