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o b s k u r r a . . .

Submitted by Esker on Wed, 2012-10-24 02:33

tundra vein
finds the steady rain

davenport alleys

I asked you once
where belonging gathered
in you

and you asked me
about the whirlpool

jettison the swift ideals
jumping like branchs
in North Hurricane winds

losing themselves
across boreal tracts
washing themselves

in the woods of a haunting

you exhale a chilled
angel in your hoodie
and above the poplars
afire with sharp bitter
dawn

the obscure passage of
jets are written

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ross Hamilton Hill

Fri, 2012-10-26 17:35

Ross Hamilton Hill's picture

the first 2 lines put me off this with its cliched rhyme, but I liked davenport alleys and then the poem found its rhythm and the imagery and ideas really grabbed me,
you exhale a chilled
angel in your hoodie this is just great, so often angels, souls etc become cliches in poetry but you link it to a concrete image and so it works, also the last lines are sonically satisfying.
I was also put off by the title, is it based on 'camera obscura' ? perhaps i'm missing something there.
anyway i enjoyed this a lot
all the best
ross

Esker

Fri, 2012-10-26 20:10

Esker's picture

The new "ring of fire" for mineral wealth
the shipping up there opening up with global
warming for maybe an extra week..
but thats a hell of a lot of tonnage moved..

keeping an eye on the soviets up north
steady rain..the digital new era
there is something mystical about rain
watching drops past a light
and the dark...I could do this for hours..

Obskurra spelled wrong...although I love Camera Obscura
and the Band based on this

so much history is mispelled
fates collision because of a number misplaced

angels

hoodies

some people are so far out there
what is it are they??
their eyes are haunted in spectral ways

Davenports are nice designed comforts
and become so for a weary soul
here and there

the originals are nice too
the first of the inter personal exchange
much like our slide out motherboards of
today and design

Titles are just titles
perhaps you could suggest something"
I only write them in this manner so search
engines cant just grab them
thats the only reason

maybe Im thinking incorrectly here though
anyway thanks for the comments

Esker

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