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New Morning

Submitted by Gomez on Sun, 2012-03-25 22:38

Today is the first day,
I will begin here,
Not sparing on supplies,
But today I will embark.

Life begins every day,
Life ends every night,
But as long as someones at my side,
I know it will be okay.

Through it all,
No matter what happened,
They would come back,
Our of love,
Or regret,
That one always came back.

For today is the first day of my life,
I was born when I opened my eyes,
Gazing into yours so sweet,
I know those eyes will always be staring back.

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Review Request (Direction):

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

Editing stage:

Comments

Mon, 2012-03-26 11:55

Good title as it fits the poem. Your rhythem is good over all. But I find this line to be unclear:

I will begin here,

I'm a sucker for a good love poem, and yours has good sentiment. I like these lines best:

I was born when I opened my eyes,
Gazing into yours so sweet,
I know those eyes will always be staring back.

always, Cat

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