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The Final Truth of Lies
Love was just a dream,
Something I could not aspire to,
But tonight,
As I look upon your eyes,
I know that I have found my petty existence,
To have been more of a lie.
There’s so much that I wish,
If I could wish,
For time to just erase,
But here it lies with me,
Haunting me,
Through those soft gazing eyes,
Their comforting silence,
Someday they would leave me.
Dreams of her cloud my love,
And though I have blinded myself,
I could not escape that solemn truth,
That she was the love that I truly loved.
Lying next to you,
Maybe,
Just maybe,
You could save me from this sorry excuse,
Sorry excuse for a soul,
That you could bring me into your heart,
And that truth to allow you into mine,
And to leave my past where it is safe,
But never forgotten.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
Gilboa NY United States
Favorite Poets
Edgar Allan Poe and MarkTwain
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Comments
Eduardo Cruz
Wed, 2012-03-21 17:47
Gomez
we must stay in the moment, and if it is for love then the past should be the past. The present moment is all that matters when you gaze into her eyes. It will wash away all the pettiness in our soul.
stay in the moment, and do not dwell in the past for it is but I lost cause, only what you project NOW is what matters.
I enjoy your poem it just needs some work on the meter and the repatition of words. those two things make it lose some of the power of the emotion you intended
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Gomez
Thu, 2012-03-22 15:02
Believe me I know, this one
Believe me I know, this one isn't new, It is kind of a sensitive subject with me but I am better from this particular road of my life.
author commentIan.T
Wed, 2012-03-21 18:00
Gomez
As Eddie says just a tweak here and there , the body of the poem is fine with such feelings , never let the memories of the beautiful things fade as this loses too much of a life, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
wesley snow
Wed, 2012-03-21 19:45
Welcome to NeoPoet.
I went to your profile before reading this, your only poem for now. It will become clear to you in a short time, but I'll tell you right now~ no one here is going to treat your poetry harshly. Indeed, very few will be critical of the content of your poems (though that is important and should be discussed), but chiefly you will be surrounded by poets who wish to help you become a better poet as they have been helped in the past.
This poem is potent and obviously close to the heart and though I don't usually care for free verse poetry, I see very little here that wants of editing.
However, I read on your page that you don't like to edit. That's a tragedy and one that I hope a little gentle prodding will help you to see the usefulness in it.
A wise Elf once said to separate the poet from the poem. Then the emotion may remain untouched (or even expanded upon) and the poem may be improved.
I hope you'll have an open mind in that respect. I saw a very evocative poet in the one piece and it would be a shame to limit him.
I do so hope you will at the least enjoy being here at NeoPoet.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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Gomez
Thu, 2012-03-22 15:06
Well, I do believe I did
Well, I do believe I did state that I would edit ones not close to me, ones that i literally poured my soul into. Like this. There are ones that will come in the future that you will be able to edit all you want, like my soul is in it, but not as much as others. I have been writing for a long time and soon I will post the one that I got Into poetry with, when I find it of course. Thank you for your sincerity.
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