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In My Blood

Submitted by Shelby Pryor on Thu, 2024-05-02 04:35

Another rejection
Another hope lost
Makes you wonder
If it's worth the cost

A long, long wait
And still no word
Just me sitting
In my beat up Ford

And then it's there
A new, fiery hope
But then it's crushed
And makes me choke

I want to give up
I want to call it quits
I want to stop trying
More than I'll admit

But I know I won't
I'll just keep fighting
Because if I go down
I'll go down trying

My anxiety is worse
Hope like a spring bud
I won't extinguish the fire
It isn't in my blood

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Weekly Contest 04/28/24 to 05/04/24
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2024-05-02 10:40

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively captures the emotional rollercoaster of hope, disappointment, and perseverance in the face of rejection. The imagery of waiting in a beat-up Ford and the contrast between fiery hope and crushing defeat is powerful. The repetition of phrases like "I want to give up" and "I'll go down trying" emphasizes the internal struggle and determination of the speaker. The comparison of hope to a spring bud and the assertion that extinguishing the fire isn't in the speaker's blood add depth to the poem. Consider exploring different poetic devices to enhance the overall impact, such as varying the rhyme scheme or experimenting with different line lengths for added rhythm and flow. Additionally, providing more specific details or concrete imagery could further engage the reader and strengthen the emotional resonance of the piece.

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Geezer

Thu, 2024-05-02 07:17

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I haven't commented on your last work yet, I've been trying to catch up, but it seems like there is always more to do.
This one seems to be a straightforward one, that has me looking for the college that is going to take you to the next phase of your life. I can see you sitting by the mailbox, in your Ford, going through the mail in hopes... Now, about the use of [Ford],
Hmmmm... While I see the likeness in spelling, I don't think the word sounds the same, which is why we would use it; to make a rhyme. I would suggest that you find another rhyming word, either for [word] or [Ford]. ~ Geez.
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tyro

Thu, 2024-05-02 09:16

I think the title is spot on in this poem about perseverence, because it states why you continue to fight on; but, it seems an esay answer. Knowing what life experience builds one to such fortitute is what i wonder about.

Tyro

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

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